Intruder of the Mind
by Melodi Rae
Summary: Jim is attacked by a Betazoid in the middle of a quiet bridge shift.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: I am so scared right now. I told myself I would never even attempt to write a Star Trek fic due to the depth and specificity of the language and the structure of the universe, but here I am. I did a good amount of research, read other fics for months, and finally decided that I loved Kirk and McCoy's friendship too much not to just try. If you've read any of my other stories, I try to write the characters and the scenarios they get in with as much accuracy and believability as possible. I don't do anything extra, I just want my stories to seem like another episode/movie, with tons of protagonist whump and excessive amounts of detail, obviously.**

 **I hope you enjoy! One more time, I am so sorry for any mistakes or any unrealistic/inaccurate descriptions of anything Star Trek related. I really tried!**

 **\- M Rae**

Alpha shift had begun about one hour ago and so far the night had been utterly uneventful. The bridge was nearly silent while the crew worked on their various areas of specialties, reviewing recent reports and closing out projects that were left unfinished from the shift before.

Alpha shift was used to this down time, however. For the first hour and a half or so, there was little to no interactions occurring amongst anyone which caused the bridge to equate to a library than it did to its usually bustling and lively self. The reason for this was simple, though. It usually took Captain Kirk about an hour and half to catch up on his own reports _before_ he started any kind of pranking, teasing, and conversing with his crew for the remainder of the eight hour shift.

Kirk sat in the center of the bridge in his favorite command chair, slumped back slightly with one ankle resting on the opposite knee. He was tapping away at his PADD, reading and signing off on the various reports he somehow just could not keep up with.

Being a captain of a Federation Starship definitely was not an 'at ease job'. On the surface, it was flashy and honorable, the task of commanding and leading apparent. But it was also filled with many hidden jobs including Kirk's favorite, reading and signing off on every decision that had anything remotely to do with his beloved ship.

Another ten minutes passed by in this state and Kirk was finally just about done with his reports. _Let the shenanigans begin,_ he thought wryly as a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. He scrolled to the bottom of one of Scotty's final engineering requests and was about to click 'approve' when a sudden stabbing jolt of pain shot straight through his head.

Jim slammed his crossed leg down to the floor as his PADD clattered to the deck. His forehead fell into both his hands and he gasped in pain.

All eyes on the bridge snapped over to look at their captain's suddenly curled-in form in the center of the room as Spock jolted up from his seat. "Captain?" He asked instantly.

Jim waited for the agony to lessen, but it didn't let up in the slightest, which caused him to squeeze his eyes shut in both shock and misery. The strained, crescendoed scream that was then ripped from his throat was cringe worthy and Spock closed the short distance from his post to crouch in front of Kirk swiftly.

The whole bridge crew recoiled in horror at his outburst. Jim Kirk did not scream. Their captain was nothing short of stoic and his pain tolerance was off the charts high, a simple fact that kept Leonard McCoy from stroking out in worry every time his best friend injured himself while on duty and covered the seriousness of it up with a joke and some sarcasm. But right now, Jim was not joking, which meant something was _very_ wrong.

"Captain!" Uhura shot up from her chair next and ran over as Kirk let out another more strained, but still agonized scream, his fingers clutching his head tighter.

Spock grasped the man's bicep, trying to get a look at Jim's scrunched face. "Captain, have you been injured? Where do you need assistance?"

"Captain! What's wrong? Is it your head?" Uhura exclaimed from behind Spock, sliding to her knees in front of Kirk's stiff, bent forward position. She reached for his chin to try and get him to look up when she saw his nose begin to bleed from both nostrils. Another desperate scream slipped out of his throat then as he looked to be in complete agony.

"Get McCoy, _now_." She cried over her shoulder to the bridge and turned swiftly back towards Jim.

"Kirk, it's okay, just try and breathe, help is coming, we're gonna get McCoy." Uhura babbled trying to get her captain to relax.

"Bridge to McCoy." Sulu called urgently through the rapidly increasing noise filling the room.

"McCoy here." Leonard's aggravated voice sounded through the bridge. "–What the hell is that noise?" He added as Jim suddenly let another crescendoed scream slip from his throat.

"It's the captain." Sulu responded quickly. "He seems to be in extreme pain, it looks like it's his head, we nee-"

"I'm on my way." He answered, all previous traces of irritation gone from his voice, and the link cut out.

"Mr. Spock, I'm getting a reading of a ship in our sector, approaching fast." A voice spoke from behind one of the navigation panels. Sulu instantly shifted his gaze away from Kirk and down to his display to assess the new threat.

Spock snapped his head around and looked at the ensign, then at the screen sitting in front of him. "Can you lock down the location of the approaching vessel?" He inquired.

"Searching now, Sir, standby." The ensign answered quickly.

The crew came alive and the deck was now bustling with noise and incoming data.

"Captain, look at me, can you hear me?" Uhura tried to calm her superior again but Jim wasn't hearing anything besides his own blood pounding in his ears. His jaw was locked in spasm from the strength of his clenched teeth, his eyes screwed together impossibly tight. He was huffing and moaning as blood continued to trickle down from his nose, trail across his lip and drip down onto the paneled floor between his feet. All he could do was sit there and take it.

"Jim!" Leonard exclaimed as the lift doors swooshed open. The captain's best friend sprinted to the center of the bridge, med kit in hand. McCoy had heard his friend's desperate screams and shouts a few levels down while still on the turbolift and his already heightened level of concern had skyrocketed before he had even made it through the doors.

McCoy was the opposite of comforting and consoling, even with his own patients. But the bond he and Kirk had somehow formed during their academy days, and now continued to build as chief officers on a Federation starship together, meant all boundaries were off the table when it came to one another. They knew too much about each other, too much about each other's habits and pasts to not care as much as they did. Jim had become a combination of Leonard's surrogate brother and son in the five years they had known each other, and as much as the kid annoyed him, he was the most important person in McCoy's life right now.

"What happened?" The doctor demanded, as he dropped to a knee in front of his friend just as Spock and Uhura hustled out of the way. He didn't miss the ringlets of blood that were raining below Kirk's bowed head as he kneeled. He immediately gripped one of Jim's forearms and placed his other gloved palm around Kirk's jaw trying to tip his head up to see his face like Uhura had previously tried.

"I have no idea. He was fine and then all the sudden he bent forward and started screaming." Uhura recalled, horrified.

"Okay– Jim? Jim. Can you hear me? I need you to look at me." McCoy switched his focus to his best friend, but when he didn't respond, Leonard began sweeping through Kirk's hair to see if there was a wound of some sort that had gone unnoticed. He checked his ears next then slid his fingers to Kirk's carotid to check his pulse which was rapidly beating. Jim moaned helplessly again from the pain, and McCoy's heart twisted in sympathy. "Alright, hold on, I'm trying Jim, just hang on…"

The noise on the bridge had elevated substantially and the urgency and seriousness in the room was profound.

"Ze approaching vessel haz dropped out of varp, sir. Zey are off our stowboard side, approximately nine kulometers." Ensign Chekov addressed Spock suddenly, glancing down at his writhing captain once he finished his statement.

McCoy then assessed the lines of blood flowing down from Jim's nose and swiped at the blood with his gloved thumb. He withdrew his hand quickly to see if there was any clear fluid mixed with the crimson, red substance but to his relief, he saw no cerebrospinal fluid leaking from his friend's head. _Thank god, at least his brain's not exploding._

Kirk's body was extremely rigid and McCoy was unable to move Kirk's hands away from his clearly agonizing head to assess any farther. "Damn it all." He huffed impatiently. He turned his head to Uhura. "He was just sitting here. He wasn't touched? Did he look sick or anything?" He prattled, none of this was adding up and Jim's condition was severe.

"No, Sir, he was fine. He just grabbed his head and started screaming out of nowhere." Uhura was beside herself worried, she had never seen her captain in this state before.

Jim kept his face scrunched in agony as he panted and grunted in his CMO's grasp. Another scream was then ripped from his throat without warning as another bomb exploded inside his head. _So this is what dying feels like,_ Jim thought morbidly.

The doctor flinched at his friend's exposed outburst but swiftly gathered himself again. He hooked his hand around the base of Kirk's head and squeezed his neck empathetically. "It's okay, I got you, I'm gonna fix this." McCoy cooed as he reached down for his tricorder with his free hand. He swept the device around Jim's head first, then to his back.

The machine blipped and McCoy read through the results quickly. Tachycardia, elevated respiratory rate, peaked pain levels, elevated blood pressure, and increased intracranial pressure. _Shit._

That last one was a medical emergency. Increased intracranial pressure could lead to necrosis of brain tissue and irreversible brain damage. _Maybe his head is exploding._

McCoy dropped the tricorder at once and reached into his kit for a hypospray filled with a high dose pain reliever, a blood pressure reducer, and a diuretic.

"They're locking phasers on us!" A tactical officer suddenly shouted.

"Shield's up, red alert!" Spock ordered immediately. The Klaxons sounded instantly and the bridge was bustling with orders and activation sequences.

"Are we under attack?" McCoy spun around and looked towards the helm in alarm.

"Activating shields."

There was a bellowing explosion that caused the _Enterprise_ to jolt from the impact. "We're taking hits!"

"Svitching to combat mode."

"Shields raised."

"Arming phasers and torpedoes."

Jim shouted again and McCoy scrambled to slide his friend's collar down to inject the blood pressure reducer first, then the diuretic.

"Our weapons have been disengaged sir, they've overridden our tactical controls." An alarmed tactical officer reported.

"We're being hailed." A communications officer seated next to Uhura's station voiced.

All eyes shot over to Spock and the captain, then up towards the viewscreen as Spock responded for his incapacitated leader.

"On screen."

There was a slight delay in connection before a humanoid face appeared over the helm, his eyes were jet black and his face was bent in concentration. _A Betazoid, no doubt._

"This is Commander Spock of the _U.S.S. Enterprise._ You have fired at a Federation starship without warrant, I order you to surrender or we will have no choice but to disable your ship's engines and incarcerate the entirety of your crew to undergo legal reprimands through Starfleet." Spock's voice was dark and demanding.

The Betazoid did not respond, nor did he make any move to talk. He seemed to be distracted, in fact, and was looking beyond Spock's stiff form to something in the distance.

"Your captain is strong." Was all the humanoid said and his eyes narrowed.

"What the hell does that mean?" McCoy questioned, disturbed.

Most of the crewmen's eyes shifted tensely towards Kirk. An overwhelming swell of protectiveness engulfed the doctor and both he and Spock moved in order to shield Kirk's form from the Betazoid's view on the bridge. Leonard gripped his friend's shoulder and knee tightly in comfort as he let out another shocked cry.

"I demand to know whom I am speaking to." Spock commanded over the doctor's grumbles.

The Betazoid's eyes enlarged again once Kirk's body was fully shielded and he finally locked eyes with Spock.

"I am Trex. There will be no surrender." He stated simply.

McCoy turned to face Jim again and administered the final hypo filled with a high dose pain reliever, one that Kirk was _not_ allergic to. His knee was bent up under Kirk's dropped head and rivulets of blood began to spot onto the doctor's pant leg. He didn't seem to notice though, nor did he care.

As soon as the hiss of the hypo sounded, to Leonard's relief, the captain's body finally deflated some. Jim fell forward into the doctor's awaiting arms as one of his hands finally ungripped his head and latched instead onto McCoy's shoulder. Leonard held Jim up as he panted, the pain now severe rather than excruciating.

"Your ship's shields have been disabled." Trex spoke again after turning away from the bridge momentarily.

"As have yours." Spock countered back after a nod from Chekov.

"You will find that they are not." Trex retorted casually, rubbing at his eye as if bored. "I want to speak to your captain, the fate of your starship depends on it." The Betazoid narrowed his eyes again.

Kirk remained slumped forward against his friend, huffing for breath, but tilted his head up to glance towards the helm. His head was still throbbing and he was on the verge of throwing up, but he focused in on the man with black eyes speaking on the screen. Recognition jump started his thoughts and Kirk struggled to concentrate, his crew was endanger.

Spock stood his ground and tried to deter the Betazoid's focus away from their captain. "If you will not surrender, we will have no choice but to destroy your vessel, our weaponry is far more superior than your own, you will not survive"

Trex looked past Spock again towards the center of the bridge, seemingly not hearing a word the commander had said, or was simply discounting his threat. He looked for Kirk but McCoy's body was still crouched in front of the captain's struggling form, and Trex was unable to make eye contact with the man. He sneered and called out to him anyway.

"Captain Kirk! Why don't you tell your crew what is really going to happen here, hm? Can you tell them what you see?" After waiting a moment with no response, he snapped his fingers rapidly as if to get his attention. "Captain, I asked you a question." The gesture caused the whole bridge crew to fume in anger.

Jim's eyes slammed shut and he shifted beneath Leonard's protective hands as his mind was taken over again. He recoiled as his whole body tensed before he let out another strained scream, this time laced with a word. "Nnoooo!"

Trex smiled.

"What the hell are you doing to him!?" McCoy shouted with rage, finally seeing the connection between the Betazoid's actions and Kirk's pain levels.

"Just giving him a glimpse of what's to come." He stated, ominously.

McCoy twisted his shoulders around to glare at the asshole tormenting his friend. "Rot in hell, you bastard, just tell us what you want."

Trex ignored him and carried on his torment, beginning to pace within the screen's parameters now. "Your life has been tragedy after tragedy hasn't it, James?" He continued addressing Kirk as the bridge crew wearily listened on.

"I can't help but feel bad for you." He shook his head sadly.

"Neglect, abuse, torture, loss." He stopped and pondered this for a moment. "And you're only what, 27?"

He turned back towards the bridge again. "What hasn't happened to you?

Jim let go of McCoy and gripped at his head again, his face scrunched tighter in pain. Then he shouted, anger laced in his rasped tone. "Stop– get out of my heaaad!"

"Cut the connection!" McCoy shouted in alarm as he spotted a fresh thin stream of blood drip down the side of Jim's jaw. He worked to locate the source. He gripped his friend's cheek and knelt up on one knee, horrified to see a pool of blood filling his ear. "Shit." He twisted his friend to peer into the other ear, the same amount of blood pooling out of that side as well.

McCoy spun around to look at Spock sternly. "Spock, I'm serious. Blow that bastard to oblivion, Jim's critical."

"It won't make a difference." Trex called back instantly, holding his hand up in pause.

"He's broken beyond repair anyway, as is your ship. You will see we have taken control of your weapons, shields, and transporter abilities now. Your captain is incapacitated. You are defenseless in every sense of the word."

Spock looked to one of the tactical operations officers who was furiously working away at the controls to no avail. He looked towards Chekov next, who was doing the same.

"I'll give you ten minutes to live, goodbye…" Trex shifted his gaze over to the captain's face and nodded his head once to address Jim. "Captain Kirk." He finished with a grin and the screen went black.

 **TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the delay in posts, I'm studying for a certification test for my job and it has taken up ALL of my free time since September. I'm taking it in January though and hopefully I'll be back full swing into writing (if I pass) cause I miss it! This chapter was almost done when I posted the first so I finished it, proof read it, left a cliffhanger again (…sorry!), and here it is. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays.** **– M Rae**

 _Trex shifted his gaze over to the captain's face and nodded his head once to address Jim. "Captain Kirk." He finished with a grin and the screen went black._

The screen went black and Jim harshly let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He instantly pitched forward in his chair and slumped limply into his best friend's awaiting hands, the pain finally lessening to a deep ache through his head. _Thank God…_

Leonard grunted as Kirk's limp body slammed into his chest. "Damn it, Jim." The doctor struggled to keep him upright, but a lifeless Jim was hard to support; the man weighed a ton. "Alright kid, just relax, it's okay, you with me? How's that giant head of yours doing?" The doctor pressed in concern, jostling him slightly as he worked to push his friend back into his chair and get a look at his face.

Kirk panted for a number of seconds while his chin rested on his comrade's shoulder. After a few breathless moments, he reached his hand up and gripped McCoy's blues, hefting himself up some, trying to regain some control. He lazily wiped at his face smearing the blood that was no longer dripping from his nose.

In the background, the command crew was in a frenzy trying to reboot their systems and reverse the enemy's override to regain their tactical and defensive controls.

"The control panel is in a system lock out, the firewalls were recoded and the layering is incredibly complex." An Ensign stated as she worked furiously at her station.

"Did ju try to open a subroute around ze enemy firevall for a reboot?" Chekov inquired, working on the same issue.

"It's a general system error and the layering is ten times more complex than the original's, it's also asking for clearance codes I don't have."

Pavel cursed in Russian and shook his head in defeat. "Ay, I see… iz the complex layering of ze codes… only ze keptin knows." Chekov realized in dismay as he swiveled in his chair to assess the status of their barely conscious captain.

And as it was, the _Enterprise's_ fate was once again placed in Captain James T. Kirk's hands, which were covered in his own blood at the moment.

"Talk to me, kid." McCoy finally pulled Kirk away from him enough to peer at his face. The pair were clutched tightly to each other, Jim gripping his CMOs blues to keep himself vertical, McCoy trying to keep his captain from face planting onto the floor. His friend was blinking lazily and appeared to be blank of all thought. He also looked like he was in complete misery and was going to pass out in a matter of seconds. The CMO turned towards Spock in haste. "Spock, will you get your Vulcan ass over here and _help me_ , Uhura..."

The duo hustled closer instantly. "How is he? Is he okay?" Uhura pressed anxiously as she kneeled down and gripped Kirk's shoulders to help McCoy better support their heavy captain.

Spock moved in beside Jim and gripped his bicep and shoulder firmly, helping his two colleagues haul Kirk fully back into his chair.

"Just give him a second." Leonard tried to calm the frantic command crew as he lifted his friend's hanging head up with one of his bloodied, gloved hands. He peered worriedly into Jim's face. "Damn brain's too big for yer own good, huh?" McCoy addressed Jim while lightly tapping him on the cheek to rouse him from his stupor. "I thought yer eyeballs were gonna pop out of your skull… good thing for your mental shields… I'm gonna kill that betazoid bastard…"

Kirk sniffled and swiped at his nose at that, finally feeling like he collected himself enough to act on what he was feeling and hearing. And with the mental nudge from McCoy's words, Kirk stilled suddenly and shot his blue eyes open as all his memory rushed back in a fury.

"Jim…" McCoy warned, instantly sensing the sudden change in Kirk's body language. "I need you to stay put, everything's okay, just take it eas–"

But before he could finish, Jim abruptly let out a frustrated shout of rage that startled the entire crew.

He gripped McCoy's arm in the same moment and shot to a standing position which caused the doctor, Spock, and Uhura to crowd in towards their captain as he listed violently to the side, headed straight for the floor. "Captain!"

"Christ Jim, slowdown will you… you need to lie down!" Leonard ordered but Jim was having none of it. His face was cringed in pain but his stark blue eyes had determination and anger within them.

' _Only the captain knows.'_ Jim recalled Chekov's statement and instantly knew he had a job to do. Kirk weakly pushed through Spock and Uhura who continued to support their captain as he stumbled towards the helm.

One thing was abundantly clear to the whole command crew right now though, Jim Kirk was back with them, and he was _furious_.

This intruder had subjected a Starfleet captain to blinding pain and had flooded his mind with the deeply buried memories of his cursed past. Trex had also forced him to watch images of his bridge exploding in the near future. The screams of his frightened friends were ear shattering for _minutes_ within his mind before they abated. He was unable to guide his team and assure them everything was going to be alright because of this natural telepath, and that was simply unacceptable for Kirk.

"You attack _my_ crew…" Jim sneered aloud to himself.

He faltered under his numb legs as he began walking and was caught roughly by McCoy's strong hands who caught Kirk's elbow and hip with a grunt. "Just wait a damn minute!" The doctor grumbled, hoisting Jim up with the help of Spock.

Jim didn't seem to notice and continued his forward march to the tactical post.

" _My_ officers…"

Jim reached for Chekov's chair and supported himself against the back, leaving a red stained handprint on the fabric.

"Captain, you should seet down sir, your head..." Chekov bustled as he shifted himself over to allow Kirk full access to his panel, despite his recommendation.

"You threaten _my_ command…" Kirk continued to himself, beyond infuriated and completely engrossed in the task at hand.

One of Jim's knees gave out and Chekov lunged to catch his captain's arm as McCoy took the brunt of his friend's weight again. "Jim, you can't even stand, you need to sit down!"

"Captain, I suggest you listen to the doctor's medical advice. A telepathic attack can be very damaging to the nervous system, especially for humans." Spock advised logically, still gripping his friend's bicep in support.

Kirk shook his head to clear his vision and slowly felt the numbness fade from his legs as he took back most of his weight. He slammed his hand down on the console, completely disregarding his worried friends.

"On _my_ ship…" He continued. McCoy huffed in frustration. _Relentless, self-sacrificing, stubborn..._

Kirk began overriding the controls then, tapping away expertly as if his brain had not been mere moments away from splitting into pieces. He worked quickly, inputting codes he only knew and tearing down firewalls with lightning speed in a way only Jim Kirk knew how. His crew knew he was a genius, but it was times like these that they got to see, first hand, just how remarkably talented and resilient Jim was.

"Shields are still down. They have a lock on us, but they aren't firing." Sulu voiced to the bridge, ferociously working at his station still trying to reboot their defense systems.

"He said we had ten minutes." Uhura supplied, moving back towards her station hesitantly to resume her duties once she saw the support Kirk was getting from his first officer, CMO, and young Ensign.

Kirk continued recoding the system when he suddenly hissed and snapped his eyes shut as an unexpectant shot of pain pierced his mind.

"Jim?" McCoy questioned in worry, tightening his grip around Kirk's back and shoulder. Chekov watched on wearily, knowing the captain was the only one with the skill set, the speed, and the memorized security codes to get their defenses and weapons back online in time. If he couldn't do it, they were pretty much screwed, and the entire command crew knew it.

Luckily, after only a few seconds, the pain subsided back to a roaring ache once Kirk regained his control again. A new drip of blood splattered onto the glass screen below his nose, however, and he sniffled as he continued his override.

"I'm okay, Bones." Jim finally addressed his friend, realizing how much stress he had probably put him through, and continued to as he worked.

Leonard gaped. "You're joking right. Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

Jim rapidly blinked his eyes as he refocused on the screen's coding lines. It was pretty obvious that he was literally the opposite of okay, maybe a little honesty would help ease his friend's anger. "Okay, I have a headache."

McCoy scoffed. "You have a headache…" Leonard repeated the ridiculous statement aloud before he switched involuntarily to his paternal tactics. "You shouldn't be doing this kid, you should be sedated somewhere deep in my medbay right now." The doctor retorted dryly glancing at Jim's pale and bloodied face. His friend was the epitome of _not_ okay.

It bothered Leonard to no end that Jim had to hack into their systems to save their asses rather than succumb to a high dose sedative that McCoy had at the ready which would relieve him of his consciousness like he desperately, medically needed.

Kirk tapped at another control and then turned his head to Sulu, ignoring his CMO's protests. "Check shields." He panted, his eyes dangerously heavy, his brow furrowed in pain still.

Sulu looked down. "Shields operational! Nice work, sir, activating now-"

"Do not activate Lieutenant wait for my command." Kirk interjected in one breath. Sulu shot a glance over to his captain and withdrew his hand immediately.

"Aye aye sir… But what about the hostile ship?" He questioned, fearing for their crew's vulnerability in the present moment.

"Captain, if we have defensive capabilities, it is against protocol not to initiate said controls to protect the ship and its crew members." Spock chimed in as Jim continued to work.

"I know, but if we activate, he will know, I just… everybody wait. That's an order." Kirk forced out closing his eyes for a moment, unable to organize his thoughts into words.

His consciousness was too busy keeping up his mental shields from Trex's continuous attempts to intrude his mind while simultaneously hacking into his beloved ship as he worked through intricate firewalls and coding sequences. The pain from the previous psychological assault was still very much there and was wearing on Jim's form as well, evident by his doctor's need to continue supporting his body as he operated. He didn't have time to explain his rationale on top of everything, his crew was just going to have to trust him.

"Sir, they are hacking into our transporter controls now." Sulu reported next with some confusion.

Kirk went to address his helmsmen when his elbow suddenly gave out and he fell gracelessly into Chekov's display. He let out an undignified 'oof' before McCoy could pull him back up. His cheek hit the display and his blood smeared across the glass.

"Keptin!" Chekov shouted, horrified, as he helped McCoy lift Jim back up to a semi standing position.

Kirk gripped at his CMO's forearm and used him as a crutch to move towards Sulu's station next.

"Jim, just hold on a minute now, you need to stop–" McCoy voiced again with desperation now, holding his friend back.

Kirk spun to face his doctor. "Bones, _please,_ I'm the only one that can do this… just… help me finish it, I'm runnin' on _fumes_ here..." Kirk pleaded somehow looking more exhausted than he did one minute ago.

Leonard looked back at his friend who had finally stopped his crusade to look McCoy in the eye. The doctor saw those blue, imploring orbs staring directly into his own for the first time since entering the bridge and he huffed in defeat. "Damn it, fine. But you're headed straight to medical as soon as this is over, you hear me?"

Kirk nodded wordlessly as his hip bumped into McCoy's when his knee buckled again. _Super job trying to convince your CMO that you're fine._ Jim reeled at his stumble.

"What else do you need to do?" He groused, ready to assist his captain in whatever way he had to to save their ship so he could finally do his _own_ job and save their captain… in medical… ten minutes ago.

"I need to go that way." Jim pointed towards Sulu lethargically, and McCoy rolled his eyes at Kirk's lack of information provided. "Very specific." He mumbled but complied with his friend's request and helped manhandle him over towards the helm.

The duo and a hovering Spock made their way over to Sulu who stepped aside, as Chekov had, to allow their captain full access to his station. Kirk folded forward in exhaustion but his descent was slowed by both Sulu and McCoy's expecting hands. He instantly began navigating around firewalls, inputting his captain's override coding here, then there, and hacked back into the enemy ship's weaponry as Chekov had previously tried since he was already in their mainframe.

Kirk was panting in fatigue and pain now. His hands were shaking and his bloodied finger tips smeared across the glass as he worked, but he didn't falter once, and after another few moments, the firewalls eventually dropped.

"Weapons back online." He announced tiredly, and with that, the tactical crew members on the bridge got to work, immediately preparing phasers and contacting engineering to direct all power to shields and torpedoes.

"Do not activate yet until transport…" Kirk began to reiterate his previous order before his legs finally gave out entirely and he collapsed forward.

"Jim! You heavy son of a bitch." McCoy grunted in surprise as he thrust his elbows under Jim's armpits, peeling him off Sulu's display.

"Christ, okay, you got him? Just, easy, help me lay him down here." McCoy ordered to Sulu who was already supporting their rapidly fading captain before the collapse.

McCoy guided Kirk's shoulders and head down to the deck while Sulu guided his middle to help lay him down on his back. Jim mumbled again and tried to sit up instantly before he was even down. "Transport next–"

"NO. That is _it_! You are lying right here Jim Kirk and you _will_ _not_ move! Do you understand me? Do you want to drool for the rest of your life after you've suffered from irreversible brain damage!?" Leonard finally boomed startling the entire bridge crew into silence… except for Kirk.

Jim's face scrunched up in distaste while his eyes remained half closed in exhaustion. "Ew Bones." He whined and McCoy locked onto his friend's face, completely dumbfounded.

Even though the doctor scared the daylights out of everyone else on the ship, the _Enterprise_ crew knew Jim Kirk had his CMO wrapped around his finger.

After the pair locked eyes and held each other's gaze for a few moments, they simultaneously began grinning.

"I'm not drooling on anyone except for you, Bones, now help me up." Kirk demanded after shutting his eyes briefly. He stretched out his arm waiting for assistance, but McCoy made no move to help him. Jim huffed in impatience and swiftly reached for Sulu's arm instead as he heaved himself to sitting with a grunt.

"Freakin… mother hen… overprotective… son of a –" Sulu helped support Jim as his captain sat, mumbling curses directed towards his very unhelpful best friend who was crouched beside him glaring at him in disapproval.

"Don't scowl at me." Jim puffed out, dismissing McCoy's glare. "If someone else knew the captain's codes and possessed genius-level coding knowledge, I would _happily_ allow them to save all our asses, but as it is…" Jim shifted his weight forward and then pulled himself to standing once again with another grunt, the majority of the action achieved by Sulu's aiding hands.

"They do not." He finished. "So transporter controls, now." Kirk directed.

Leonard knew Jim was the only one who could do this but god damnit it was _always_ Jim, his friend was always in the middle of every conflict and bad situation that arose and it just wasn't fair.

"You will be the death of me Jim Kirk, mark my words." McCoy resumed his hold underneath Jim's armpit, tossed his friend's arm around his own shoulders, and heaved him over towards Uhura so Sulu could return to his station.

"Kirk, sit before you fall down." Uhura directed pulling Jim into her seat as he dropped heavily into her chair, McCoy helping to slow his fall.

"Bridge to Engineering." Jim called in a raspy voice.

"Ay, Scott heah."

"Scotty, has power been diverted to defense and tactical?" Kirk asked breathlessly, getting straight to business.

"Ay laddie, weapons 'r loaded 'n ready sah, shields at full capacity."

"Bring up the transporter manifests."

"Uh… yes captain. But sah, why might you be thinkin' about transport at a time like this? Aren't we about to be blown to wee bits?"

Jim had a unique bond with his crew like no other Starfleet captain did. There was a sense of trust and comfort that allowed his crew members to speak their minds instead of blindly following orders and abiding by rank status when they had a genuine question or concern. God only knew how much Jim embodied this philosophy and he was more than open for his crew to share their thoughts like he always did. His crew trusted him whole heartedly and respected him for letting their opinions be of value. But right now, all Jim wanted to do was get rid of this blinding headache and sleep for about a week. He didn't have time to explain his rationale, nor the energy.

"I care because Trex cares, now manifests, and the defense system codes." A second later, the transporter's log and codes popped onto the screen which caused Kirk to blink rapidly at the sight of the influx of data in front of him. _Just one more thing, then you can pass out._

He cleared his vision and then set to work bypassing Trex's system invasion and erasing it from the main frame first. He then planned to finish disabling Trex's engines and shields before giving the order to fire at will to ensure the safety of his crew. He had finished inputting his captain's codes and bypassing the firewall when a sudden piercing pain penetrated his mind that he could not block out this time.

Jim gripped for his head and spun away from the monitor at once, crying out in anger and agony again. Leonard rounded to Jim's front and held his friend up by his wrists to keep him from folding in half. "Jim!"

"Nooo, can't let him see… gah!" Kirk cringed when another sharp spear sliced through his brain. "Chekov… finish it!" He blurted as he curled in on himself again, the pain increasing through his head at an immeasurable rate. He had to block Trex out, had to protect his crew, it was his sole duty as a captain.

"Aye keptin, I can do zat!" Chekov sputtered and moved over to Uhura's station to take over the hack now that the captain's codes were inputted. He worked quickly, glancing down to see Kirk losing his strength as he watched blood resume dripping from his nose and onto the floor again. The young ensign could tell his captain didn't have much time left.

"Almost, von meenute… aaand… hostile ship's shields and veapons disengaged, sir!"

Spock seamlessly picked up where his captain had left off. "Engage hostile ship, shields up!"

"Yes, sir! Targeting enemy ship… photon torpedoes out!" A tactical crewmember belted back instantly.

"Shields back up." Chekov confirmed as he raced back to his station, batting at the control to raise shields.

Trex's voice boomed through the _Enterprise_ bridge suddenly.

"Kiiiirk! No!" The Betazoid raged which caused Jim to withdraw and promptly scream in pain as his mind was commandeered entirely. The crew winced in sympathy but watched as the torpedoes locked on and made contact with the Betazoid's ship followed by an explosion several kilometers away and the transmission cutting out sharply.

"Target destroyed." Sulu confirmed and everyone breathed a sigh of relief as their eyes shifted over to Jim seated at Uhura's station. _It's over._

But when their eyes landed on their captain, he was still curled in on himself, still moaning in pain, and he was still being mentally attacked.

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

_But when their eyes landed on their captain, he was still curled in on himself, still moaning in pain, and he was still being mentally attacked._

"Wait, what the hell? There's no life signs in the area, Trex is gone, how is he still attacking Kirk?" Sulu spluttered anxiously as he watched his captain writhe under McCoy's hands.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me… Christ, Jim?Alright kid, it's okay, it's alright…" Leonard's emotions were palpable now as he gripped Jim's jaw trying to look into his eyes. He didn't know what to do. For the first time in years, the doctor had a despairing sense of fear begin to consume him regarding his accident prone friend Jim Kirk that he had only experienced one other time before. That time had been when he saw his friend's pale face lying dead in a body bag.

"Bones–" Kirk gritted desperately. He couldn't take any more of this. He cried out as blood rolled down from both his ears and nostrils in thin lines, spotting the floor and his CMO in front of him. He was losing control on his mental shields and his own panic was rising in his chest. _That was everything I had…_

"Spock! I need to know what's going on! He's dead right? There's no way he could have survived that assault…" McCoy tried to talk himself through his own panic at the situation, needing a solution because stopping a mental attack was not a condition he knew how to treat, only the aftermath of one.

"Then it's not Trex." Jim strained out right before his shields broke away and his mind burst with memories of his torturous past. Kirk cried out. The images and emotions consumed him for a moment before he locked some of his mental shields up again, but his energy was weaning; he couldn't keep this up for long. He gasped in pain.

 _Then it's not Trex._ That last statement had the entire command crew reeling for an explanation.

"Scan the area for life forms." Spock began.

Sulu obliged, "Yes sir, scanning now…"

"I've never heard of a Betazoid mentally attacking anyone for malice, let alone from a distance like that before." Uhura was baffled.

"It's clear sir, there's no one but us now." Sulu reported after the scan completed.

Spock turned his head to address the bridge after thinking for a moment. "Then the only logical explanation is that the telepath attacking the captain is aboard the _Enterprise._ "

"But everything Trex said directly caused Kirk agony, he was a Betazoid, what else can do that?" Uhura inquired.

"There is no other explanation, Lieutenant, contact security and have them begin a ship-wide search."

"Yes, commander." Uhura confirmed as she opened a connection to security, reaching around Kirk's body to do so.

"Doctor, what is the captain's status?" Spock turned towards Uhura's station and walked in the direction of the duo.

McCoy had just finished scanning Jim's head with his tricorder and was just now reading the results. "He's critical. His vitals are through the roof and intracranial pressure is too high, if it raises anymore, I will need to do emergency surgery to prevent any brain damage. I can't overload his system with too much medication." He explained as he dropped the tricorder and loaded a hypo with another low dose of a diuretic.

"You need to figure this out." McCoy added heavily as he injected the hypo into his friend's neck.

Leonard pulled out his communicator and made an urgent call down to sickbay whilst holding the captain's head against his shoulder after dropping the hypospray to the floor. "McCoy to sickbay, I need medical assistance and a gurney brought to the bridge _immediately_ to retrieve the captain. I also need OR one prepped for a potential decompression craniectomy."

Kirk cried out again, his body was impossibly rigid and his hands were indenting his scalp from the pressure of his hold. "Just hold on, kid." Leonard whispered as he snapped his communicator shut.

"Trex gave us ten meenutes, vhy vould he risk giving us ze time vhen he knew our shields and veapons vere disabled?" Chekov wondered aloud.

"He must have known we would try and get them back online, why not just kill us?…" Sulu continued the train of thought, still perplexed.

Uhura shot up from her crouched position at her station. "The Captain was checking the manifests for transport. Maybe it has something to do with that."

Sulu nodded. "Maybe someone was trying to beam on…?"

"Or beam out." Spock finished.

At that, the bridge crew focused back in on their tasks, now having some sort of direction and lead to work off of. Uhura commed security and the transporter room to inform them of the intruder and guided them to start their search there.

Spock moved over to Chekov's station as the young Weapons Officer was bringing up the manifest. He quickly scrolled through the names and logs.

Pavel cursed in Russian as he spotted a familiar name. "Sir, look –"

"I see it, Mr. Chekov." Spock spun to face the doctor. "Aurora Trex just tried to beam out approximately one point two minutes ago, Doctor. She is a Betazoid. She is also a part of your medical team, a counselor aboard."

McCoy glanced over towards the Commander and sighed. "I don't give a rat's ass who she is, stun her ass to Sunday, this needs to stop." He indicated in Kirk's direction as he quickly focused back in on his friend. He didn't care who the hell was doing this to Jim right now, all he needed was for them to stop.

"Bones… I can't– can't block her..." Jim forced through panting lips. He cried out and dipped his head lower, tensing his shoulders even more as he began to shake.

Leonard huffed helplessly and pulled Kirk away from his shoulder to firmly grip his face in his still gloved hands. He tipped Kirk's chin up and forced him to look into his eyes. "Yes you can, Jim. You can and you will." He dropped Jim's face to grab his hypo again and the captain moaned but obliged miserably to his doctor's order.

"Sulu, Chekov, you will accompany me in the search alongside the security teams for the intruder." Spock voiced pulling out his phaser and switching it to stun.

"Yes sir." Both crewmembers nodded thankfully as they jogged to the turbolift behind Spock, unable to stand by and do nothing while the captain continued to be attacked.

Leonard snapped another vile into the chamber of his hypo and administered the blood pressure reducer into Jim's neck. He discarded the device beside him letting it clang to the floor as he gripped Kirk's wrists again to prevent the young captain from folding forward. "Where the hell is medical." He mumbled to himself nervously.

"Holding something." Kirk murmured.

Leonard leant in. "What did you say?"

The captain groaned and took a deep breath as another wave of pain blew through him. "She's… holding…" He clenched out until his vision suddenly blacked as Aurora intruded his head again. The captain screamed and tumbled out of the chair into McCoy.

"Jim, no!" Leonard and several other crewmembers who were lingering close to their captain in worry helped guide Jim to the floor, including a distraught Uhura.

"Stop…!" Kirk pleaded breathlessly through the haze of the intrusion.

Just then, the turbolift doors swooshed open revealing two nurses and a doctor careening towards Uhura's station as soon as they caught sight of the crowd surrounding their fading captain on the deck.

"Over here! Let's go!" McCoy demanded to his team.

The trio jogged over and dropped down to the floor. They allowed themselves a moment of alarm to blast through them at the sight of their bloodied captain, coupled with their CMOs anxious appearance who was also spattered in blood. They had their hands on him instantly though; their professionalism and ability to keep calm in the worst circumstances shining through elegantly.

"Alright, let's get him on the stretcher and down to sickbay _right now_. I need a neuro work up, BP, heart rate, and blood panel with an ICP quantity." McCoy ordered his staff without missing a beat.

Jim let out another cry of pain as a new agony ripped through his head. Blood continued to drip onto the floor from Kirk's nose as McCoy scooted to Jim's head to allow the medical team to assist him in moving Kirk up onto the gurney.

"On my count, one, two, three–" The team hefted Jim up and placed him on the raised surface where he instantly curled in on himself, rolling up onto his right side. His right elbow was pinned underneath his body with his head cupped in that hand. His left arm reached out across the sheet, squeezing it harshly in front of him.

"Bones… please..." Jim moaned in pain again. The medical team quickened their motions at their captain's plea as they set the gurney into motion towards the lift doors.

McCoy scrambled to the head of the bed and swiftly planted his hand on Kirk's blonde head protectively. "I know kid, I'm trying, just hold on. We're gonna fix you up." He peered down at Jim and terror filled his chest as he took in the state of his best friend.

Kirk's nose continued bleeding, but in his side lying form, the blood began to drip in a line across his mouth, down his cheek, and spot onto the white material near his ear. The pool of crimson in his right ear had splashed onto the bed when he first rolled over and stained the white covering there as well. The last path of blood from his left ear began to trail down his jaw line and across the front of his neck, all pooling onto the white material below him. His teeth were stained red as well. He looked horrible. On top of his appearance, Kirk was panting and groaning in a way McCoy had never seen his friend before.

"She's holding something." Jim forced out, breaking Leonard from his stupor.

"What? Who?" The doctor inquired quickly as the lift doors swooshed open and the medical team bustled in.

"I can see the… cargo bay."

Leonard spun his head over his shoulder briefly. "Uhura, tell Spock to check the cargo bay!" He shouted behind him just as the turbolift doors closed leaving the bridge in silence.

The only remnants of their captain were the red dots littering the floor and the small pools of blood left underneath his command chair and Uhura's station. No one on the bridge moved for several moments.

 **xxx**

"Get out of the way! Move it!" The medical team flew down the hall with a rapidly declining captain in tow.

Jim's body recoiled when a particularly bad pain and image penetrated his head without authorization. He cried out weakly and writhed underneath his doctor's hand. "Stop ittt–"

Kirk sniffled again as more blood dripped out of his nose and onto the quickly staining sheet beneath him.

"You're doin great kid, just hang on, ya hear me?" Leonard soothed, his hand still firmly planted against Jim's forehead.

"Bones… I see him." Kirk moaned in alarm, shifting his feet on the gurney in agitation.

"See who?" Leonard's gaze was on Jim's chest counting respirations. One of his hands was still glued to Kirk's forehead while his other gripped the captain's wrist monitoring his racing heart rate. But he was listening intently to his friend and was ready to relay the new location of Aurora to the bridge to end this search, once and for all. "Who Jim?"

"… Kodos." Jim whispered out horrified, and all four medical officers shot their gaze to the young captain's face at his confession, including McCoy.

"No, Jim, that's not right. Listen–"

"… won't tell him… I-I won't talk…" He whimpered on, obviously lost in a forced flashback. "Bnes gooo, rn." Jim mumbled in a panic as he batted at Leonard's hand, trying to weakly push his friend away, to save him from this nightmare, to give him a head start.

Leonard slid his hand to the side of his friend's jaw cupping his right ear and neck in comfort and spoke softly but firmly to him. "Now you listen to me. What you are seeing is not real, Jim, he is _not_ here. A Betazoid's messin' with your head, remember? It's just a memory. That bastard Governor is never gonna hurt you again." He tried to convince his fighting friend.

Jim seemed to consider this for a minute, blinking sluggishly behind his pained expression at his friend's words. "Not real… e's not here…" He repeated back, calming himself slightly as he let out a small whimper of anguish.

"That's right, just hang on, kid." McCoy answered sadly. God this was unbearable to watch. He then snapped his head up from Kirk's curled form to address his medical team. Their faces were stripped of all color. _Shit._

"Alright, listen up. That is classified information and no one's business but his. Not a word about this will be spoken, not from any of you, is that clear?" McCoy spoke sternly to his officers which caused them to nod instantly. They could not hide their surprise still abundantly clear across all their facial expressions at Kirk's slip though.

Well _that_ explained a lot about McCoy and Kirk's closeness. _Tarsus?_ And Leonard _knew_? The over protectiveness was starting to make a whole lot of sense now.

"Bones–" Jim moaned as he gripped blindly for the doctor and for the edge of the gurney, his face turning a shade of green.

"Wait stop! Roll him–" Leonard warned just as the captain tipped himself forward enough to hang his chin off the edge of the gurney and retch miserably in the middle of the hallway.

"It's okay, just let it out, we're almost there." Leonard soothed again, maintaining a strong hold on Jim's bicep and shoulder.

Kirk gagged and pleaded between heaves. "Js' … put me out."

McCoy sighed in distraught. "I can't Jim, I can't flood your system with more meds, I've already given you too much as is."

"Pls…" He begged. "Pain's gonna… kill me." He forced out as another wave of nausea overwhelmed him and he dry heaved painfully towards the floor again, having nothing left in his stomach to throw up which just caused him more discomfort.

"She's ripping him apart." Christine Chapel reacted in horror seeing the mess of vomit and blood now coated on the pristinely white deck floors.

"I can't–"

"Yes you can Jim. You keep that bitch out of your head, keep fighting, I've never seen you give up on anything in your entire life…" Leonard scolded as he settled Jim back on the bed and resumed pushing the gurney down the hallway with even more speed than before.

The group spun around a corner and the sickbay doors were finally in view.

"Alright, head straight into OR 1, get me a blood panel, prep a cortical inhibitor and a high dose sedative, and someone get Spock on the line." The CMO ordered as the team crashed through the doors.

 **TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

" _Alright, head straight into OR 1, get me a blood panel, prep a cortical inhibitor and a high dose sedative, and someone get Spock on the line." The CMO ordered as the team crashed through the doors._

Luckily sickbay was fairly empty when they entered. But those patients that were occupying the bay shot worried glances over to the commotion and bloody scene that crashed into the room.

"Is that the captain?" An engineer who was situated under a bone stimulator inquired in alarm, sitting up straighter to get a better look.

The nurse tending to him looked up at the frenzied group and rushed off towards her CMO to assist after mumbling an "oh no…" morbidly.

As soon as they were in the operating room, McCoy wasted no time leading his personnel in transferring Jim's sidelying form from the gurney to the biobed. He repeated his count and together, the team moved Jim to the bed which blared alarms as soon as his failing body hit the bed's surface.

"Hang a bag of hypertonic saline, wide open and push 5 CC's of Mannitol." McCoy was all business barking out orders in quick succession. His medical crew kept right up with him though, getting him what he requested at lightning speed without question.

"Let's get him on his back." He instructed next.

Leonard and two other medical officers worked to untangle Kirk's rigid limbs and settled him onto his back, more or less. Jim's legs were bent up slightly and his head was tilted to the side, but it was the best position they could get his rigid form in for now.

The room was filled with noise, light, and blurring arms and instruments now. The whole thing was incredibly disorienting and painful actually, so Jim chose to shut his eyes and focus on breathing rather than pay attention to the whirling surroundings and voices any longer.

"Captain, can you open your eyes for me?"

No answer.

 _I actually just decided that I'm not going to listen to anyone anymore due to my currently exploding psyche and all, thanks. Please leave a message after the–_

A finger slid his eyelid up and flashed a pen light into his sight which felt like an icepick getting stabbed directly through his retina.

"Nghh! 'ones!" He swatted weakly at the intruding instrument as he was forced back into awareness but missed it entirely. He did manage to successfully turn his head away from the assault, however. _Okay new plan, don't ignore anybody anymore, got it._

The doctor exhaled. "We're tryin to help you, Jim, leave it alone." McCoy caught his weak hand and pinned it to the bed. "Plus that's Nurse Chapel, yell at her."

"Pupils are dilated." Chapel reported shooting a 'really?' face towards her superior but kept working to stabilize their captain.

"What's his pressure?" McCoy inquired next while cutting the gold tunic away from his friend's chest, ripping the torn material apart and discarding it aside once it came loose.

"BP's 180/90, ICP is 35 mmHg's and climbing."

The CMO shot his eyes to the nurse who had just recited the captain's vitals and looked up at the biobed to confirm the worrying pressure levels.

"Someone get me in touch with Spock, _now._ And someone get M'Benga in here, I need to start a central line.. _._ " McCoy commanded in quick succession, urgency clear through his tone.

"Sir, Doctor M'Benga is off duty in his quarters."

Leonard snapped his head around to glare at the poor nurse who had just spoke and who was about to get torn apart by the chief medical officer of the _Enterprise._

"Did I ask if he was awake? No. I said get him in here, and I seriously mean right now." Behind the venom in his words, his coworkers could hear the desperation behind his order and they gave the cranky Southern some slack. James T. Kirk had to be the most reckless and accident prone captain Starfleet had ever seen. And it just so happened that Leonard McCoy was this accident prone captain's best friend, primary physician, and sole responsibility, so the medical team knew how stressed the CMO always was when anything came to Jim Kirk's health.

The nurse darted off after a quick "yes sir" to summon the doctor without another question.

Jim bent up his booted foot on the biobed and knocked his head to the side, breathlessly trying to gain control of his agonized body, head, and tortured psyche. He reached out for the edge of the bed but his hand was instantly grasped by McCoy's own and pinned back onto his bare chest.

"I know it hurts, I need you to stay still for a minute while I set up this line." Leonard explained gently, as if he was talking to his own child.

Jim moaned and instantly tried to move his held fist from his front. Nurse Chapel replaced McCoy's restraining hand to allow the doctor to work.

"I'll put you out in one minute, 60 seconds Jim, that's all I need."

He gasped. "She hurting… anyone else?"

"No just you, must be your boyish charm, a little pressure here..."

Jim hissed as McCoy made the small cut, opening the space to feed the line in. "Whr's Spock?"

McCoy's brow furrowed in sympathy but he had to get the diuretics and sedatives in so they could perform the craniectomy.

"Spock's leading a search now, they're gonna find her, just keep your shields up and keep blocking her out. Just a few more seconds." He was feeding the line into Jim's subclavian artery so he could administer the sedative and pressure reducers directly into his blood stream.

"I'm here! How is he? Where are we, Leonard?" M'Benga darted into the room glancing at the monitor to assess the captain's vitals then looked to McCoy.

"Just finished the central line, paralytic is prepped for sedation, pressures are through the roof."

M'Benga looked down at Jim's panting form and saw the concerning intracranial pressure read out that was blinking red on the holoscreen above. He then saw the bloodied mess Kirk was making across his face, chest, and now biobed from his still bleeding nose and ears. A nurse was helping him don a sterile gown and gloves.

"It doesn't look like we can wait any longer, his ICP is too high, I'd push the sedation and start immediately." He suggested morosely. There was no good option here, every choice lead to a risky outcome for the captain, but they had to do something.

"Alright, give me the mask, push the Amorbabital now." McCoy folded, fearing for Kirk's brain function and off-charted pain indicator that was flashing red on the screen above, amongst his other spiking vitals.

The mask was handed to the doctor which he swiftly closed over Jim's nose and mouth while Christine pushed the sedation meds into Kirk's central line. McCoy voiced a quick "hold 'em" right as the mask made contact with his friend's face, knowing the reaction Jim was going to have to the claustrophobia the mask always caused him.

As if on cue, Jim's head whipped to the side with impossible strength trying to knock the mask off but McCoy held it down strong. "It's me! It's just me." The doctor tried to ground him. "It's alright, it's just gonna put you to sleep, don't fight it." He attempted to explain, manhandling his friend still.

Kirk moaned and bucked off the table with his free legs which were quickly pinned down by several nurses. "God Jim, it's an oxygen mask for Christ sake, not a damn muzzle." The doctor tightened his hold on his friend's face and hated every moment of it.

With another whip of his head, the mask was bumped off to Kirk's cheek for a brief moment, but it was just enough time for the room to make out Jim's rasped words he kept repeating underneath the mask.

"No, stop…Pl's lemme' go..."

Leonard took a deep breath and shut his eyes, readjusting his hands. He was having trouble disassociating himself from this patient, it was just too hard especially with Jim conscious like this. He was scaring his friend and causing him more misery in the process, but luckily, M'Benga caught on instantly.

"Leonard switch, I can do this. He's in agony, he needs your help in a different way." The doctor urged his colleague as he reached for the mask. Bones hesitated only a moment before he thankfully let go of the plastic piece and moved up to be at the side of Jim's head.

Kirk kicked up off the bed again and McCoy pinned one of his arms across the besieged man's chest in both comfort and restraint. The doctor spoke close to his ear. "Just let the medicine work Jim, you're just gonna fall asleep, then the pain will be gone, ya hear me?"

The team continued holding down the struggling captain, but his scuffles didn't lessen in the slightest.

McCoy's brow furrowed as he made a mental note of the time. _It's been a while… He should at least be getting drowsy by now._

The medications he had already administered had worked, at least in part, so what was the problem? McCoy thought through a dozen potential causes but couldn't come up with one workable explanation besides that he hated seeing his friend so agonized so just _maybe_ he was over reacting. But the experienced doctor wasn't convinced.

"Why is this taking so long?" He finally voiced aloud in concern.

His colleague considered this for a moment and then came to a quick conclusion. "It must be the mask, just give him a second, it keeps coming loose." M'Benga advised, knowing that time was not on their side and that they needed to do the procedure _now._

After a few more seconds of waiting and no change, Leonard still wasn't content. "The sedation was already pushed though, why hasn't that at least kicked in yet?" He asked with more urgency.

McCoy startled when Kirk managed to pull his hand out of Chapel's hold and clamp it onto the physician's forearm, desperately.

"Boness, take it off–" He begged with pleading eyes, which were nowhere close to fading out of consciousness like they should've been. And finally, something clicked in the doctor's head.

"Stop! Stop! Take off the damn mask!" McCoy shouted in fear and made a dive for M'Benga's hands, forcefully shoving the mask away.

"Leonard! What–"

"His cortex is being hijacked which means his consciousness is stimulated, he's not gonna go under no matter what we give him… _shit_."

M'Benga took a moment and then cursed softly as he caught up with his colleague's theory, this was bad.

"So we just overdosed him…" M'Benga stated in frustration. "…with a paralytic? God damn it."

McCoy exhaled and shook his head. Every part of this night had gone wrong for their young captain and on top of it, they were now making medical errors. He needed to stay focused, for his team and for the damn captain of the _Enterprise._ He felt like an absolute failure.

"Alright, I need to know how much of the Succinylcholine got into his system, get me a blood panel readout now."

"Sir, I have Spock on the line." A voice from the wall reverberated through the tension in the room.

"It's about damn time, Spock?" McCoy shouted aloud, the physician was visibly shaking now.

"Doctor, we have not located the intruder yet." Spock addressed McCoy quickly.

Leonard huffed in frustration. "Well why the hell not? What is taking you so long? We can't wait any longer!"

Kirk felt like he was going to throw up again as lightheadedness overwhelmed him. "Bnes, do something..." He pleaded again as he weakly tried to roll onto his side. Restraining hands kept him supine on the bed, however, causing him to groan in protest, including McCoy's arm that was pinned across his chest.

"I'm trying, kid. I hear you. We're all trying I promise." He spoke softly to Jim.

"The cargo bay, transporter room, and now engineering departments have been cleared, we are now–"

Leonard snapped his face away from Kirk's face. "Spock! Spock! I don't have time for a damn debrief, can you just hurry up? Jim needs surgery but I can't give him a local because the mental attack is keeping his sympathetic nervous system active, which does include his consciousness. If we don't do this surgery, we're gonna lose him."

Jim cried out as a sharp stab penetrated through his head. His mental shields were shattering.

"That is an unacceptable outcome. I will try and hasten the search. Please perform your duties to the best of your ability to ensure the best prognosis for Jim."

"Wait!.. Sam, stay pl's… 'ones… where is he?" Jim whimpered, now lost in another painful memory. Leonard tightened his hold on him and exhaled sharply.

"No shit, Spock. Now do whatever you have to to knock the girl out so we can operate. We're waiting on you and we have no time left. McCoy out."

"Let go… wait, stop, wait f'me!" Kirk bucked off the table again, he had had enough with the position he was in, it was causing him agony and he felt trapped.

"It's alright Captain, just try to relax." Chapel tried to soothe the agitated twenty seven year-old.

"Doctor McCoy, here's the blood panel readout." A nurse came into view and angled the PADD up so the CMO could read it without letting go of his friend's chest.

The physician's eyes darted over the levels and cursed in frustration once he got a good picture of what was going on in his friend's body.

"Alright, I need 500 mg of edrophonium prepped to push once the mental connection breaks between them. He's gonna crash hard from a dosage this high."

Jim cried out as another tortured memory blasted through his head, activating all the nerve fibers in his body. He felt like he was on fire. On top of that, he was pinned to a surface by ten pairs of hands he did not recognize. He was trapped and he was burning alive. Kirk coughed out a spray of blood which coated the air and dripped down his chin, staining his teeth darker.

The captain was completely disoriented. He had no idea where he was and why he felt like his head was going to explode, but the confusion made him feel incredibly vulnerable. He needed to get somewhere safe, and in the distance, he thought he could hear Bones' panicking voice. Before he could zero in on his best friend's location though, Jim suddenly saw his brother walking away from him and the fear he felt on that day knowing he now had to face Frank alone overwhelmed his being.

"Wait, Sam! Bt h's gnna kill me…pls don't go..." Kirk kicked out again and tried to turn over to grab onto his brother's retreating form, but the medical officer's hands did not lessen their holds on their captain.

McCoy's heart tore into two listening to his friend's confused pleas and struggles. What were they even doing now besides adding to his torment? They had overdosed him and were scaring him, not helping or fixing him. He couldn't take a second more of this.

"Alright, let go, _everybody_ just let go of him and take a step back, that's an order." McCoy boomed suddenly.

All hands were removed from the captain's flailing body and he instantly rolled protectively onto his side towards McCoy. He dragged himself towards his best friend, reaching out as he groaned in misery until his head hit something firm.

"We just have to wait for someone to find her." Leonard stated aloud as he placed consoling and protective hands on Jim's back and head. Jim's blonde hair and forehead were pressed up against the doctor's front. He allowed the younger man to curl into him in anguish since he apparently couldn't do anything else helpful.

McCoy and several other medical providers looked up at the concerning holoscreen readings, this was a first for most of them.

"We can't do surgery on a conscious man, we can't give him more meds, there's just nothing we can do until she is found." M'Benga stated to the group, understanding and agreeing with his CMO.

Medications worked instantly, as did sedation. They were the primary methods for treating and stabilizing any trauma victim. But when the patient was unable to metabolize the drugs in their system, what was there to do? The drugs would be floating in his blood stream, waiting until the barriers were lifted and all at once, flood to their receptors and overwhelm the man's body as they took effect all at once.

Jim rolled his chin to the edge of the biobed with a moan as he spit a glob of blood onto the floor that continued to spill into his mouth from his leaking nose. The process had been, and continued to be, nauseating for the young captain.

Leonard gripped Jim's shoulder tighter, fearing his friend would roll himself right off the biobed. He side stepped Kirk's aim just as he spat crimson onto the floor. "It's okay…" He repeated for about the hundredth time that night, horrified at the amount of red that had just coated the floor by his boots.

He turned to M'Benga. "We have to watch for aspiration, he's swallowed a lot of blood, get me some suction." McCoy ordered dreadfully.

"Sir, I have Spock on the line again."

Spock's voice sounded over the blaring alarms in the room before McCoy could respond. It sounded as if he was mid-sprint since his words were coming out in pants. "Doctor. We have located the imposter, she was spotted in the main corridor, headed towards the medbay entrance."

Kirk's eyes widened as a flash of familiar scenery penetrated his mind. "I see… sickbay."

McCoy tightened his hold around Jim's form and shot his head up as he shouted without thought. "Lockdown sickbay, _now!_ "

"Bones…"

"No one in or out until we get the all clear from Spock!" His hold on Jim was crushing, desperate, fearful.

"You killed my brother." All heads turned towards the OR entryway at the unfamiliar voice and there, standing in the doorway was Aurora Trex, her eyes blacker than night. She was holding a phaser pointed straight at the captain and her face was twisted with rage.

 **TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

" _You killed my brother." All heads turned towards the OR entryway at the unfamiliar voice and there, standing in the doorway was Aurora Trex, her eyes blacker than night. She was holding a phaser pointed straight at the captain and her face was twisted with rage._

Jim gasped in exhaustion as Aurora released some of her hold on his mind. The first thing he noticed as the world came back into focus was McCoy's solid arms laying across his back and head. He looked up at Bones and saw him staring and shouting at someone by the door with an intensity he hadn't seen his friend exhibit in a very long time. He followed his friend's eyes to their target and finally saw a woman dressed in a Starfleet uniform pointing a phaser directly at him. _Oh shit!_

Kirk rolled his upper body away from McCoy's front and gripped the doctor's forearm to help pull himself up. He lifted his hand up in pause. "W-woah, wait a second. Let's talk about this." He blurted out as his mind was still catching up to the imminent danger he suddenly found himself in.

"I'm going to show you what it's like to lose a brother." She spoke to Jim with pain in her voice. "Then you will die." She then turned the phaser on McCoy.

Kirk's blood boiled. She was not about to hurt his best friend, not for vengeance, Bones had nothing to do with this. He turned his head in time to see McCoy diving to reach for the phaser within Jim's own thigh holster. But before the doctor could grasp it, an unimaginable pain blasted through the Georgian's head causing him to grip his temple and slam his eyes shut. The rest of the medical team seemed to be incapacitated as well all of the sudden, but not to the extent as their CMO who was now doubled over next to Kirk's biobed.

Leonard looked around, as much as his tortured head allowed. _Christ, this is what Jim was experiencing? For the past half hour?_ He shouted out in pain.

McCoy shot his gaze desperately to his friend whose blue eyes were open in fear. The captain was mouthing something to him, then switched his gaze to Aurora but Leonard couldn't hear anything in the present moment. The only thing his body allowed him to pay attention to was exploding pressure and agony.

The doctor looked up at the intruder next and saw her eyes nearly shut in concentration. She had blood dripping down from her nose and her hand trembled as the phaser bounced in her grasp as she attempted to take aim. This was taking everything she had to keep her mental hold on the room filled with people.

McCoy tried to make his limbs move but his head was pounding in a way that made him want to fall to the ground where he stood. A dreadful, helpless feeling swept over him then and he realized just how different he was from his friend, Jim. He wasn't strong enough to block out this mental intruder like his captain had, he couldn't even think about anything but pain for God's sake. Jim was about to get shot and there was absolutely _nothing_ he could make his body do to change that. He hoped that if Jim died, the Betazoid would just shoot him too because that would mean he had failed his friend, and he knew he just couldn't live with that fact.

However, all this lack of attention exclusively on Jim was all the young captain needed to snap out of his agonized state, focus in on the Betazoid attacking his crew and pointing a phaser at his CMO, and act.

Kirk flipped to his back, reached his hand to his holster, slid the weapon out, and without hesitation, fired the blast expertly in between the intruder's eyes. She dropped like a bag of bricks to the ground.

In the same moment, Jim's body also slammed lifelessly onto the biobed, the phaser clanging onto the floor as it slipped from his suddenly limp hand. And the pain was finally gone.

* * *

The biobed alarms wailed as the medical team snapped out of their agonized state and into the current haze of the room.

"…oy's over here!...illigrams of edroph…crashing! Get m..." Muddled voices faded in and out somewhere off to his left.

McCoy was in a fog. _Christ, was my head run over by something?_

"Doctor…"

A distant voice spoke as he blinked through the haze. _What's happening?_

"Doctor Mc… can you hea…?" More clearly now.

"…Respiratory distress!"

"Leonard…...r me?"

"…Heart rate's in the forties–"

"McCoy!"

And then everything came flooding back like a broken dam. _JIM!_

McCoy shot up to a seated position on the OR floor and stumbled to his feet as he looked over to the bed he had last seen Jim. Nurse Chapel scrambled after him keeping a strong hold on his arm as he listed to the side from a wave of dizziness.

Bones stared at his lifeless friend's body on the biobed. Jim's arm was dangling over the edge, his phaser long forgotten several feet away from him on the floor. Kirk's neck was kinked at an odd angle just as a mask was being placed over his bloodied, lax face. It was unnerving to see him so still after the amount of fight he had exhibited for the past half hour while he was being attacked.

"Jim? Jim! What– what happened?" He stumbled over to the bed and gripped the material tightly to steady himself.

"Leonard sit down for a second, nurse grab him something for his nose." M'Benga ordered as he focused back in on the captain.

McCoy reached out and brushed Kirk's damp hair away from his forehead as he moved to position himself at the head of the bed.

"Jeff?" He asked anxiously looking over at his colleague, straightening out Kirk's head and cheeks with his trembling hands.

M'Benga was adjusting the line protruding out of Kirk's front. "He's crashing. Paralytic overdose. Are you alright?" He glanced over at his coworker worriedly.

"What's his pressure?" Squinted eyes looked up at the monitor.

"It's nonexistent, we're starting a blood transfusion now."

A handful of gauze pads were positioned in front of the doctor's line of vision but he mindlessly batted the material away so he could finish reading his friend's vitals. "His ICP is normal, how in the hell did that happen?"

"I have no idea, he's got plenty of other problems right now though." M'Benga spoke quickly then glanced up to see a younger nurse holding the gauze out nervously for McCoy to use. "Leonard wipe off your face, your nose is bleeding…"

"What's his heart rhythm?..." Bones continued.

Christine Chapel snatched the bundle of gauze from the timid nurse's hand and shoved the stack into Leonard's face, yanking on her CMOs arm to force him to face her. "Doctor McCoy, **take this**."

The veteran nurse could be just as scary as McCoy when times called for it. That was why the two operated so well together though, she kept McCoy in line. The CMO didn't scare her one bit and she could see right through his gruff exterior. This was why the head physician would never work a day without his favorite, prized nurse by his side.

Leonard took the handful and swiped at his face without protest, removing most of the blood in two quick passes. Christine handed him a new pair of gloves and he quickly doffed his current bloodied ones in place for the fresh set. No one knew how to treat Jim Kirk quite like Leonard did and Christine knew that he had to snap back into the present in order to fix him up.

"Are you okay to treat? That is Captain Kirk on the table." The nurse asked seriously, studying McCoy's face for an honest answer.

The CMO blinked his eyes and eventually nodded. "I can fix him, Chris."

Chapel finally let go of his arm, satisfied.

McCoy turned back to the man in the center of the room and focused in on his patient. "Is the edrophonium in his system yet?"

"I already pushed it, the meds should kick in within two minutes."

There was a sudden commotion near the OR doors that distracted the medical team. "Commander Spock, you cannot go in there!"

"Oxygen sats are falling… SpO2 is 72% and dropping, resps shallow at ten breaths per minute…" A nurse announced to his left.

"Do you think he can hold on before the succinyl kicks in?" M'Benga asked impatiently looking straight at his CMO.

Leonard looked up at the bioscreen and rapidly read through Jim's vitals. Everything was tanking, but Jim was a fighter. He then peered down at Jim's blood covered face which had the oxygen mask cupped around his lax nose and mouth. No, they were going to be cautious here, this was the captain of the entire damn starship.

"Probably, but I'm not risking it, I need an intubation kit, stat." He ordered out. _Please don't wake up…_

In that moment, Spock, Sulu, and Chekov funneled into the room followed by five other security officers. They froze as their eyes locked onto their captain's form.

Chapel pointed at them with a stern finger. "You stay way back and don't say a word or you're out! The girl is over there." She pointed to Aurora's still body on the floor and the five security officers moved towards her, dragging her out of the room.

McCoy was handed the scope and the plastic tube as the mask on Kirk's face was removed to give the doctor access to his airway.

"SpO2 is 65%, 64%..." The same nurse read off his even worsening vitals as they continued to plummet.

Bones tipped Jim's head backwards and pulled open his bloodied, lax jaw to expose his airway. He expertly slid the metal scope into his mouth and against his tongue, being careful to avoid chipping a tooth which was commonly done when doctors moved with too much haste in emergency situations.

An alarm started blaring next to his ear suddenly and a red indicator flashed relentlessly. "Doctor McCoy, he's in respiratory arrest! No breath sounds."

 _Shit shit shit…_ McCoy reached for the tube he had placed near Jim's head and using the scope as guidance, threaded the plastic down into his friend's trachea. He quickly slid the scope out. "Alright bag." He was handed an ambu bag and he immediately squeezed air into Kirk's lungs.

His head shot to the bioscreen. After a few breathless moments, the incessant beeping ceased.

"Resps coming up, Spo2 is rising, 55%, 58%..."

Spock, Sulu, and Chekov let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"Alright, let's hook him up to the ventilator for a minute. He's gonna regain control as soon as the succinyl kicks in so this is gonna be a quick extubate people."

M'Benga looked up at the screen when another alarm started to blare. "Leonard, his heart rate's falling." McCoy peered up at the readout and Kirk's rhythm was becoming irregular. _What was taking that reversal agent so damn long?_

"He's in V-fib!" M'Benga called out suddenly. "Paddles! Now!" He ordered. Christine and a second nurse darted out of the room to retrieve the crash cart as Leonard acted.

"God damnit Jim." McCoy wasted no time and climbed up onto the biobed, straddling Kirk's limp form. He interlaced his fingers and began thumping down on Jim's chest as he started a round of compressions. His gloved hands slipped a few times on Kirk's sweat and blood covered sternum but he continued without missing a beat. "C'mon kid…"

Once he reached and called out his thirtieth compression, M'Benga had already disconnected Kirk from the ventilator and attached the bag back on. He instantly squeezed two full breaths into the captain's lungs as Bones stared down at his friend's face. _Please Jim, you're almost through this, come back to us._

As soon as the second breath was given, McCoy resumed his compressions, thudding his clasped hands down against his best friend's lifeless chest again.

Christine flew into the room with the crash cart in hand. Bones finished his second round of compressions while a nurse took over bagging. M'Benga charged the paddles and glopped a clear paste down on the flat surfaces as he rubbed them together. McCoy began his third round of compressions, waiting until the very last minute when he would need to clear the patient and allow his colleague to shock his friend, hopefully back into sinus rhythm.

"Alright, almost there, and… clear!" Bones swung his leg back over Jim's torso and hopped off the bio bed. As soon as his body was no longer in contact with the bed, he yelled 'clear!' and M'Benga brought the paddles down, sending a jolting shock through Jim's entire body.

The room looked up at the screen.

"No, still in V-fib, charging again." M'Benga announced dreadfully.

Bones reached his hands up and resumed his compressions. His jaw was clenched tightly. He glanced up at the doorway and saw Spock, Sulu, and Chekov gaping against the wall, warily watching the med team work to bring back their captain.

"Charged, clear!" Bones lifted his hands into the air and announced he was clear again, as did the nurse giving breaths at Jim's head. M'Benga brought the paddles down and issued a second shock. Jim's limbs jumped up and crashed back down onto the biobed with a quick series of thuds. His head lolled to the side. Once again, all eyes turned up towards the screen.

"Sinus rhythm!" Bones shouted out in complete relief as the repeating blip returned on the screen indicating Kirk's heart was beating normally _and_ on its own again.

The whole room exhaled, but naturally, the nice moment was short lived when Kirk suddenly inhaled sharply. His body wasn't prepared for a tube to be imbedded in his trachea though so Jim gagged immediately and coughed out. Alarms blared again.

"Succinyl kicked in, he's awake!" Jeff called out, pinning Kirk back down onto the table by his shoulders. Several other nurses moved in and helped pin the now struggling captain flat.

"Jim! Jim! It's Bones! Just relax, we're gonna take this tube out of your throat so you can breathe on your own." He shouted, staring directly into his friend's face. Jim's eyes fluttered open and then his hand moved towards his chest as he let out a grimace of pain, reaching for his ribs.

McCoy removed the tape that had secured the tube to Kirk's cheek and gripped the plastic with his still gloved hands. He made eye contact with Jim again. "Alright, when I say three, I need you to cough, _hard_ , and I'll take this thing out. You understand?"

Kirk gagged again, involuntarily, but eventually locked his tired eyes with Bones' and nodded. He huffed a breath of air out through his nostrils.

"Okay, here we go. One, two, three." Jim did as he was told and coughed while McCoy pulled the tube expertly up and out until the tail end left Jim's mouth. The captain immediately began barking out harsh coughs as he was rolled onto his side by several aiding hands.

"It's out, it's out, just try and take slow breaths Jim, you're okay now. You did good kid."

Jim continued to hack out a lung on his side and spit out another glob of blood while he was at it onto the floor. His mind was completely fogged up and his body's reserves were officially empty. The captain reached a hand to rest on his throbbing chest and McCoy's brow furrowed in sympathy. After another moment, Jim allowed himself to let go, and he happily disappeared into unconsciousness.

 **TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

_After another moment, Jim allowed himself to let go, and he happily disappeared into unconsciousness._

The smell of cleaning agents, alcohol, and antiseptic were the first things he noticed as he crept back into awareness. The second was the incessant beeping coming from somewhere above him and the last was the sensation of a hand clutching around his forearm.

Jim pried his eyes open to see the sterile, white ceiling of sickbay. _Great, what happened to me this time?_

Everything was fuzzy in his head. He got flashes of pain and confusion, but he couldn't remember why he was here for the life of him. He hadn't tested much out yet, but so far he just felt tired and sore through his throat and chest, but nothing that could beat a bad hangover. He then traced his eyes down to his forearm to follow the foreign hand up to his best friend's face.

But the doctor didn't look his typical tired and grumpy self like he usually did when Jim first awoke in sickbay. No, he looked sad and utterly miserable right now. Jim didn't like that one bit and he instantly spoke up to comfort his friend's uneasiness.

"Geez who died?" He croaked out.

The CMO snapped his head up to lock his eyes with Jim's and his facial expression switched from surprise, to relief, to anger, all in the same moment. Jim recoiled nervously at the unexpected reaction before the doctor exploded.

"You did you moron!" He bellowed, suddenly releasing his hold on Kirk's forearm, bumping the metal tray sitting by Jim's bed which clanged loudly on the floor, before shoving his arm down by his side. Many heads turned in their direction in the otherwise quiet sickbay.

Jim cowered into his sheets and shook his head innocently. No words came out as he worked through his own shock.

"Oh shit, sorry." He finally sputtered out.

He looked at McCoy's face and the man looked completely broken. The CMO rubbed furiously through his hair and then huffed in exacerbation. _What the hell's wrong Bones? Wait, back up, I_ died?

"I don't remember, I didn't know…" Jim tried again, but his friend was looking down at his feet, obviously distraught beyond words. _Oh God, was that a tear?_

Jim needed McCoy to look at him, he was starting to shake with adrenaline and sorrow. He felt so bad, he hadn't meant it and he needed to know what happened.

"I really didn't know." The young captain explained quietly. A flash of memory spiked through his brain just then and he shut his eyes at the wave of recognition. _Betazoid attack, he was on the bridge. Trent… no Trek? Tres… something. That's why he was here though, his fricken brain had been attacked._

"Bones?" He whispered desperately, suddenly overwhelmed with the influx of memories and emotions. He reached out his hand to his best friend but he couldn't quite reach. He was praying he would reciprocate the gesture at least. Bones looked up from the floor and glanced at Kirk's trembling fingers.

Leonard sighed and gripped Jim's palm instantly, nodding his head and coming to his senses. His friend needed him, and at the end of the day, he knew it was completely his fault Jim had gone into cardiac arrest anyway. _Suck it up Doctor, your self-pity-party is making the kid's blood pressure spike._

"I know Jim." He finally answered, squeezing the captain's knuckles in his own grasp before he lead both their hands to the edge of Jim's biobed. They regripped their hold so they were grasping the other man's forearm.

Kirk breathed a sigh of relief and kept his hold on Bones' arm tight, he was afraid to let go now. He let his eyes shut for a minute as he exhaled in an attempt to shut up the bioalarm blinking and blaring over his head.

McCoy reached up and flipped a switch, silencing the alarms, as if he heard Jim's mental plea.

Jim was thankful for the quiet space though and after a few more moments of deep breathing, he spoke up again.

"I didn't even know Betazoids could kill people."

Kirk didn't think it was possible for McCoy to look any more miserable, but as soon as those words left his mouth, the doctor looked as if he was about to cry. _Aaaand oh for two. I should probably just go back to being unconscious._

"I messed up Jim, I messed up so bad, I wasn't thinking straight." Leonard strained out shaking his head in disbelief.

"What are you talking about?"

"You died because of me."

"I highly doubt that." Kirk scoffed.

His friend would never purposely hurt him or try to make a mistake, he knew he was the best damn doctor in the entire fleet. If a mistake had happened, it was because of their close bond, which honestly, was completely Kirk's fault. He couldn't imagine the stress or having the responsibility to save Bones' life once, and McCoy had to repeatedly stitch and hold and repair Jim's body back together time and time again. Kirk felt incredibly lucky their roles weren't reversed because he really couldn't do it. He would happily be the damsel in distress, on repeat, if it meant Bones never would be.

"I'm being serious here! I screwed up, they should take my license away, I'm supposed to catch other doctors' errors, not make my own."

"Well, I'm alive." Kirk rasped out twisting his hand up towards the ceiling as if to say 'tada!' "Everything obviously worked out fine."

McCoy shook his head though and swallowed nervously. "No Jim, I- I could've killed you. I _did_ kill you. I wasn't focused on what I was doing, there was so much blood, you were in so much pain… Christ, I should get fired…"

 _Okay TMI._ "Bones, really, it's fine." Kirk was getting uncomfortable now. He didn't want to hear about how weak he must've looked while being attacked.

"Jim, are you listening to what I'm–"

"Just tell me what happened." The captain interrupted, jolting his friend's forearm as he looked directly into his dark eyes with his cerulean blues.

Bones deeply sighed and squared off his shoulders to face Jim fully. He was glancing at the ground trying to figure out where to start. He finally glimpsed up at his best friend and then permanently glued his eyes down to stare at their arms which still had not separated.

"We were trying to sedate you so we could relieve the pressure on your brain. The mask was on for a while but you weren't going under, not even a little, which was odd enough. Eventually we realized that because of the mental attack, you were incapable of falling unconscious, even with the medication."

He took a deep breath and continued. "We did take the mask off but it was already too late by then. You had already inhaled three times the normal dose of the paralyzing agent. So when you finally shot Aurora and the mental hold broke, the overdose caused your heart to stop." McCoy nervously trailed his eyes up and looked into Jim's blank expression. "It-it was because of a medical error, it never should've happened."

Bones waited nervously for a response, barely able to look Jim in the eyes as he watched the captain think. After a few moments, Kirk finally responded.

"It's okay." Jim stated, genuinely not phased in the slightest by the confession McCoy was just forced to relive.

McCoy gaped at him. "It's okay? _Okay?!_ " He stood up and pressed his hands to the edge of Kirk's biobed as he leaned in towards him. "Jim! Your heart stopped because of a medication I ordered, it was completely avoidable! And all you have to say is ' _it's–o–kay'?_ "

"Bones, I really don't care." He wasn't kidding. He really didn't care in the slightest. He was just glad it was over.

Bones sighed again. "Okay, you know what? I'm sorry. You obviously need to rest, let's just talk about this later." McCoy dismissed Jim and sunk back into his chair but Kirk shot a glare directly at his CMO now. _Oh no you don't, I'm thinking coherently, don't write me off._

"Who was pushing to sedate me? You or someone else?" The captain asked, more alert now. Leonard tipped his head up and looked at him quizzically.

"M'Benga's, but–"

"And who was the first to point out something was wrong when I wasn't going down?" Jim could guess the responses to all of these questions he planned to ask, but he needed his best friend to understand this.

"Well, me, but listen–"

"Who took the mask off my face?"

"Me…"

"And when my heart stopped who started it back up again?"

Another exaggerated exhalation. "I did, b–"

"So what it _sounds_ like is that you did the best you could and you figured everything out before anyone else did… in just enough time. Basically I'd be dead if you hadn't been there. The only thing I have to say to you then is thankyou… again." Jim lifted his eyebrows up and grinned at McCoy's unenthused face.

"Jim…"

"Bones. You followed procedure, I'm sure of it, you used your medical knowledge and you figured it out. No one else would have fast enough. You did it, it's all good, so end of discussion."

Leonard scoffed and slowly nodded his head in understanding. The kid was right.

"Yeah okay, I know. It's just hard when it's you on that table though. I don't know what I would've done if I couldn't have…" Bones trailed off.

"I know." Kirk reached out and clapped his hand on McCoy's shoulder before returning it to his bed again. Leonard looked up at him as he continued. "And I'm the one that's sorry for that. I know you'd be better off treating on a ship with a captain you didn't know all his dirtiest, darkest secrets. I _know_ that, I just…" This time Jim trailed off, looking nervously down at his chest and then back towards Leonard's eyes. "I just can't do any of this without you. I don't trust anyone else but you and I don't want to be a captain without you here." He looked away. "I'm so selfish."

It was McCoy's turn to reach out and offer some human contact to his confessing friend. He gripped Kirk's upper arm and waited until the captain looked back at him. "Jim, I'm never going anywhere, there's no point to this CMO thing if my captain isn't you. I wouldn't want it any other way either, trust me." He let go of Kirk's arm and looked away. "There's too many rules I'd actually have to follow on all those other ships anyway… no thanks." Bones trailed off.

Kirk smiled as he shut his eyes. _Good ol' Bones, always saying exactly what the damaged captain needed to hear._

"But you are a pain in the ass, that's for shit sure." The doctor added.

Kirk chuckled at that and then settled as his chest throbbed from the exertion.

"Alright get some rest, Doctor's orders." Leonard reached in his pocket and pulled out his dreaded hypo. He loaded a vile into the device and locked it into place. Jim sunk into his sheets, trying to disappear. _Man he hated those things._

"Wait, I have one more question. I don't remember much of what happened. I'm just getting glimpses and flashes of it all, will that ever come back?"

This question had McCoy stumped for a moment. "That I don't know. I was hoping your mental shields would be rebuilding themselves to protect you from those memories while you were sedated…" He pressed the needle directly into Kirk's neck and discarded the sedative. Jim yelped. "And I am sticking to that theory." He finished.

"Just rest now, I'll be right here when you wake up." McCoy promised as he watched Jim's eyes flash in anger and then flutter closed as he drifted off into a pleasant sleep.

* * *

Five hours later, the captain of the _Enterprise_ finally woke up again.

And physically, Jim was fine.

As soon as the Betazoid's mental hold on Kirk's mind had broken, his intracranial pressure normalized and his vitals returned to baseline. So the only thing the young captain was recovering from now was the trauma of being intubated, extubated, overdosed, and the CPR that was required to get his heart started again. It would only be a day or two before Jim was back to full speed… physically.

Mentally, the medical team wasn't so sure.

As soon as Jim had awoken the second time, the man seemed agitated from the start. He was eager to leave his confined bed in sickbay and threatened to walk out if Bones didn't discharge him right there and then.

After a quick discussion between M'Benga and McCoy, the doctors determined Kirk was plenty stable enough to return to his room and rest there. They both knew Leonard would be only meters away from Kirk on his couch, so there really was nothing to worry about. The captain could have his privacy.

Jim had donned his black pants, boots, and undershirt McCoy had sent a nurse to retrieve and he was perched on the edge of his biobed looking distantly at the ground when Bones walked back in. "Alright, you're set to go. Spock's gonna take the walk with you and make sure you're settled."

Jim shot his tired eyes up and connected them with his friend's.

"I know where my room is, and I can walk." Jim jeered out. "Plus I thought you were coming with me." Kirk added, disappointment clear through his voice.

"I'll be there in a half hour, I just gotta close out a few notes here."

Jim nodded but didn't respond.

"Are you okay?" Bones asked him for about the fifth time in the last ten minutes. The doctor couldn't help it..

"I'm fine." Kirk answered, for the fifth time.

McCoy could tell the man was struggling with something. He assumed the memories from the Betazoid attack that were forced to the surface inside Jim's head were reemerging, even though Kirk denied it. He knew they were in for a long night together dealing with those tortured thoughts if his theory was right though, but he'd be there to help him. "Just go lie down, Jim. I promise I'll be there soon."

"Ya, okay." The captain finally mumbled back as he slipped off the bed, slowly turned, and began carrying himself towards Spock's awaiting form by the door.

* * *

Spock purposely slowed his pace to not hasten his obviously tired and troubled captain who was slowly carrying himself through the halls of the _Enterprise_ beside him.

He was given explicit instructions by Leonard McCoy, Kirk's attending physician and closest friend, to make sure Jim not only made it to his room in one piece but that he was in his bed with his communicator within arm's reach and the lights off before Spock could leave him.

Once his quarters were in sight, Jim lazily approached the door and typed in his entrance code before striding into his quiet space.

"Lights thirty percent." Jim grumbled and the room lit up dimly. Kirk had his eyes on his bed and as soon as he was close enough, he heavily sat on the edge, swung his legs up, boots and all onto the covers, and turned away from the doorway onto his side.

"Thanks for the stroll Spock, you can go though… I'm all set." Kirk mumbled towards the wall, squeezing his eyes shut as his hands began to shake in their clasped together position in front of him.

"Captain, if there is anything you require that I could be of service to attain for you, I would hope that you would know to request my assistance in the matter."

 _What? God, Vulcans and their roundabout ways of saying things._ Jim clenched his eyes tighter and forced his voice to even out before daring to respond. "If I need anything, ask you. Got it." He stated with a slight break at the end of the sentence. _Please just leave, please just leave._

"Do you have your communicator within your arm span?"

Jim reached into his pocket and quickly pulled out the device, lifting it in the air without a word so the Vulcan could see it. Spock nodded his approval.

"Can I help with anything else at the moment then? Would you like something to drink, perhaps?" Spock continued to pry and Jim was on the verge of breaking apart into tiny pieces. He needed to be alone for this, damn it.

"Bones will be here soon, I just wanna sleep, I'm good Spock, really, you can go." He stated a little too fast, a little too frantically.

There was a pause. "You are certain you do not need anything, sir?"

 _GOD. YES. Just leave!_

"I promise I'm good. Light's off." Jim spoke unevenly towards the wall again and the room dipped into blackness. He sighed a breath of relief from the privacy the darkness suddenly brought him and his body began to shake now. And Spock _finally_ seemed to get the hint.

"Rest well Jim, please contact me if you need anything." And with that, Jim's door finally swished shut as Spock retreated back into the hallway.

 _Oh God._

Kirk inhaled then exhaled violently as all his horrible memories exploded in his brain right then and there. The pain and fear within them were all too fresh, too new, too vivid all at once. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see. He just wanted all the memories to stop and rebury themselves within his mind again where they had been hidden away for years.

Each had occurred at different times in his life, spread out so he could barely deal with one before the next horrible experience took its place. But right now, they not only were resurfacing at the same time, but they were all equally as vivid and fresh. All the time that had passed and faded his wounds and fears had completely reversed. No person could withstand this, not even Jim Kirk.

His eyes filled with angry, fearful tears and he frantically rolled out of his bed, half crawling half clawing his way through the darkness in the direction of his desk.

Jim inhaled desperately again as panic overcame his entire being. He was hyperventilating now but he couldn't stop it. His actions were focused on one thing, and one thing alone. He fumbled through stylists and stacked PADDs as he perched up on one knee until his hand reached its target. He flipped open the upper compartment and blindly slid out the thick bottle filled with the relief he so desperately wanted. He was panting for air as his hands trembled for the top.

 _Dull the memories. Then you can sift through and lock them away, one by one. Yeah, that will work_. He thought to himself hopefully, foolishly.

Jim pried the cap off the dark glass bottle but dropped the cover when his knee recoiled painfully into his chair. He went tumbling down to the ground and the dark liquid sloshed against the flooring as it began emptying out onto the floor in glugs. Kirk was gasping now as he dropped to his knees and frantically rummaged across the ground in search for that thick relief.

His fingers clanked against the side of it and he scooped up the label and brought the neck of the bottle towards his mouth. He knocked his head back and took several gulps of bourbon, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing heavily through his nostrils now. The liquid burned his throat and his nasal passage. He kept drinking though, the mental distress in his head easily trumping the pain and discomfort the alcohol was causing as it burned down his throat and into his stomach.

After what felt like minutes, he finally pulled the bottle away from his lips and gasped for air. Brown liquid dripped down his cheek onto his chest and the floor. The room was completely black besides the small amount of light emitted from the window where stars lit up the room into quiet shadows.

The memories grew louder in his head though and Jim gasped out. He brought the bottle to his lips again and downed several more gulps. The painful burn returned, but his head continued to scream louder. _Just keep drinking, they will fade, they have to fade, just keep drinking… Keep going._

But the screams of agony, the feeling of chains against his skinny wrists, the fear of abandonment and neglect and silently hiding under his bed all screamed at him in unison. Jim panted again, spurting up some of the brown liquid into the darkness and down his chin before pushing down the feeling of rising nausea and acid, bringing the bottle back to his lips, and swallowing again. His body and mind were screaming at him to stop but his hands couldn't loosen their grip on the bottle and his lips couldn't leave the rim anymore.

 _Just keep going… STOP! Just keep going…_

 **TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: GUYS I'm so sorry this took me so long to post... lots of life changes recently (all good)! But that being said, I did pick this chapter apart and reworked it countless times until I was satisfied with the product and the details. Fun fact: a lot of my stories/chapters get developed while listening to the same song on repeat during my commutes to/from work. For this chapter, I developed all the scenes in my head listening to the song, 'Not Alone' by Red. Give it a listen if you want. I'm honored that you're reading this and one more time, sorry for the delay 3**

– **M Rae**

 _His body and mind were screaming at him to stop but his hands couldn't loosen their grip on the bottle and his lips couldn't leave the rim anymore._

 _Just keep going… STOP! Just keep going…_

* * *

It ended up being about an hour before the CMO was finally headed to Jim's quarters. He had to sign off on all his paperwork and round on the remaining few patients occupying Sickbay to the next beta shift team, which had all taken longer than expected. But he had finally finished and had just stopped by his own room to grab a spare change of clothes and his PADD before hastily making his way to the captain's quarters for the night.

Despite his delay, he was relieved that he was officially off duty for the next twenty four hours. He knew he would be spending every moment of that time glued to his best friend's side to make sure he truly came through this attack in one piece, but he didn't mind at all. The kid had helped him through some of the roughest nights of his life, sitting next to him on the floor or at some sunken bar, so he was happy to return the favor. There was also no other place he'd usually be off shift but in the presence of Jim Kirk anyway.

Bones approached Jim's door and gently knocked twice. He wasn't expecting him to answer it, he was _hoping_ his patient was sleeping and following his doctor's orders. So after a few moments of silence, he inputted his medical override and stepped into the room quietly.

The light from the hall illuminated a portion of the room and McCoy looked directly towards Jim's bed to see if the captain was sheets looked ruffled but it was apparent Jim had not spent much time there. _Obviously not… stubborn son of a bitch._

However, his eyes flicked to the right and quickly spotted the outlined rim of the bathroom light shining through, as well as the patter of the shower had all sorts of blood and sweat covering his face and body that the medical team could only clean so much away. He assumed Jim felt the need to wash away that grime before sliding into bed which was fine with him, so he nodded to himself in approval as he shut the door behind him.

"Lights fifty percent." The room illuminated slightly and the doctor made his way over to the bathroom door. He knocked twice loudly and spoke through the divider.

"Hey Jim, it's me."

There was no answer. McCoy waited a little longer for a response but still got nothing. He was sure Jim had heard him, but he would let him be for now. The purpose of the knock was to just let his friend know he was here anyway.

Bones made his way deeper into his captain's room and instantly caught the scent of something familiar, but the aroma was incongruous. His eyebrows furrowed and he scanned the space to see if anything was out of place as he dropped his things on Jim's bed. After only a moment, his eyes quickly landed on the disheveled desk against the wall. There were data pads and reports scattered across the desk and strewn on the floor. _What the hell?_

Kirk was oddly a neat freak, which didn't really match his poor selfcare tendencies, cocky persona, and genius level intelligence. It was probably because he didn't really own enough stuff to make a mess, but the sight of the unkempt desk sent warning bells ringing through Leonard's head. A thought came to his mind as he snapped his eyes onto the cupboard above the desk, taking one frantic stride towards it. _Oh Jim, you better not have…_

He opened the jarred handle completely and the mystery scent clicked as his heart sank when he realized his personal bottle of bourbon he kept there was gone.

"God damn it, Jim." He grumbled before shutting his eyes, letting out a curse, and jogging off towards the bathroom door.

He was within five feet of the door when he nearly pulled a hamstring as his leg slid forward on a dark brown puddle. He glanced down and quickly identified the spot as a pool of his favorite, _and expensive,_ bourbon. He quickly wrenched his hand against the silver paneling in an attempt to open the door but it was locked from the inside.

"Jim!" He slammed his hand against the paneling once. "Open the damn door!" He slammed his hand down again. Silence answered him.

Bones leaned in and pressed his ear to the cold door but all he could hear was the muffled sound of water pattering gently against the floor. "Jim!" He shouted again. "Your heart stopped literally _hours_ ago, put down the damn bottle and open this door!"

The CMO was mad. He had discharged Jim because of his agitation and because he had a soft spot for the kid, not because of his reckless tendencies and because he possessed no self-preserving qualities at all. The captain was the toughest patient he'd ever had as a physician, in more ways than one. He knew he'd heal and cope better in the privacy of his own quarters, even though it was procedure to monitor a patient who had gone through what Jim just had. But now, whatever state Kirk was in, he'd have to report it and further tarnish his record of failing to take care of the most vital patient on the _Enterprise_ … again.

"Jim!" He bellowed again. "Let me in! I'm not kidding!" He waited for a response with his ear still pressed against the door, eagerly. Kirk still did not answer.

 _Would he blatantly ignore me like this? … For this long?_ Even Jim wasn't that immature or cruel to worry his friend intentionally.

"I'm coming in." He decided aloud, suddenly panicked, as he flipped the paneling down to reveal a touch pad. The medical override was inputted and the door finally slid open.

A puff of steam rolled out through the open doorway and Leonard swatted at the weightless obstruction to clear his view of the cramped room. The floor was saturated with water and the room dripped from the humidity and built up condensation. His eyes were drawn instantly to the shower stall as he finally laid eyes on his friend's form.

And what he saw almost brought him to his knees in fear.

"Oh no, no, no, no… Jim, _no_ …" Bones rushed forward as soon as his eyes locked onto Jim's form, launching himself into the open shower stall.

Jim was on his side in a shallow puddle inside the shower space. His back was rested up against the wall but the left side of his face and shoulder were lying in a slowly rising pool of water, the bottle of bourbon held loosely within his lax left hand. He still had his boots, black t-shirt, and black pants on which were completely soaked through. His blonde hair stuck tightly to his forehead and droplets of water were bouncing off his outstretched legs, hair, and face.

And he wasn't moving.

McCoy scrambled into the small space, splashing through the growing water level, and towered over Kirk's body, straddling his outstretched legs as he frantically reached down for him. "Jim! Jim! Hey hey hey…"

He clamped strong hands onto Jim's arm and collarbone as he tugged his flaccid body up and out of the puddle he was lying in. "Jim… damn it…" He grumbled dreadfully as he struggled to lift Jim's heavy limbs and torso up, with no help at all from the downed captain. He was eventually able to settle him into a seated position up against the wall after much finagling.

Kirk's head lolled lifelessly forward as his hair dripped streams of water down his face in his new upright position. McCoy snaked his hand up to check Kirk's carotid pulse, and to see if he was breathing. Once both a pulse and a breath were felt, he brushed back the blonde locks that had fallen and stuck to Kirk's forehead in order to get a better look at his friend's face.

"Jim wake up, c'mon kid, show me those eyes." Bones' voice was shaking and uncertain as he clapped his hand against his friend's cheek. He wasn't expecting anymore drama for the night, past Kirk's inevitable nightmares that would shoot them both out of a dead sleep, just like it was when they were roommates back at the academy.

McCoy's head was reeling. _How much did he drink?… How long has he been here?... I took too long… Where's my medkit?… I should've known… I gotta call this in... God damn water splashing in my face… hot as balls in here… you gotta wake him up…_

Bones clasped a hand onto Jim's saturated through shirt that was stuck to his skin and tugged him towards him. His flaccid body slammed into McCoy's chest which elicited a grunt from the captain. Bones gathered him up and without letting him go, reached back and snapped the nozzle off to finally stop the stream of water from pelting down against them both. Jim's body slumped forward but his wrist sluggishly reached up and flopped over McCoy's own arm as his cheek landed inside one of Leonard's open palms. He was like a rag doll collapsing every which way he was manhandled and he let out a quiet protest. At least he was starting to respond.

"Okay, that's it Jim, come back now… can you hear me?" McCoy's voice was laced with alarm, but he spoke deliberately as he turned back and focused in on Kirk again. Bones was knelt down with one knee positioned between Jim's long legs and his other foot positioned on the outside of Kirk's left hip. The doctor moved in close. He fumbled to support Jim's upper body and lolling head as the captain let out another low groan.

"Jim, I need you to look at me, open your eyes." Bones ordered again, trying to keep his voice level and calm while clamping his hand onto Kirk's jaw. As soon as the doctor's fingers made contact with Jim's face and lifted his slumped head up, he instantly could feel the heat radiating from the young captain and could see the red flush to his cheeks and forehead. The water had been scorching when he had first entered the cramped shower stall and who knew how long the kid had actually been in here before McCoy had finally found him. That thought was disturbing though and he chose to push it away for now in order to focus.

The captain groaned again and mumbled out an incoherent strain of words that Leonard could not understand.

"You're burning up." McCoy spoke aloud to himself. "I need you awake."

The CMO thought fast, looking around the shower and then decided on a plan of action.

"Sorry for this." He apologized before pushing himself to a half stand, twisting backwards and knocking the nozzle on again, never letting go of his best friend as he moved. This time, a cool stream of water beat down on the doctor's back as he held strong onto Jim's shirt and began to maneuver himself up and behind Jim's body.

Kirk mumbled again and let out a noise that sounded eerily like a sob.

"I know, just hang on, Jim, I have you." McCoy consoled as he fumbled with him. His adrenaline spike was making his heart thump against his rib cage distractedly.

Bones moved behind Kirk's slumped position as he continued to hold him up vertically against his legs but his friend's body felt like dead weight as his sopping clothes clung tightly to his body. But after only a few seconds, Leonard was finally able to slide down the wall, landing with a thump on his rear behind Kirk. Jim folded forward as his cheek fell against one of McCoy's bent up knees Bones was currently using to pin Jim between in order to stabilize his flaccid torso.

He wrapped one arm around Jim's soaked chest to pull him out of his bent over position and wrapped his other arm around to Kirk's front, picking up and cradling his dropped chin. With the support of McCoy's hand, Jim's neck tipped back exposing his Adam's apple and his soaked hair thumped back against Bones' shoulder, his lips parted slightly.

"Come on kid, come back to me." Bones urged, allowing the cool water to begin ridding of most of the steam in the room. McCoy kept his palm firmly planted on Jim's chest to monitor him. At the first sign of shallowing breaths or a gag reflex, he was ready to lie him in the recovery position, but right now he was hoping he could get him lucid this way. "Come on Jim, c'mon…" Leonard shook his friend in his grasp, continuing his attempts to stir him out of his stupor.

After about a minute of McCoy's pleas to awaken in his ear and the feeling of protective arms around him, Jim inhaled sharply and began to shiver as his body started to register the sudden temperature change it was going through. He sniffled and began to pant anxiously. The screams were getting louder again, his head was pounding against the vivid memories once more, and he felt confused and sick to his stomach. _No, please… I can't see all of this again…_

Jim started to struggle away from McCoy suddenly, agitated and desperate. His movements were sluggish and non-precise though, which made it easy for Bones to regain his control over him.

"Hey, hey, hey, stop. It's okay, you're okay Jim, it's Bones, I'm right here." McCoy readjusted his grip and managed to cross Jim's own wrists together and pin them against his chest, securing his fighting movements.

After a minute of struggling in this position, Jim eventually settled down and finally choked out something somewhat coherent.

"…M-mk't stop'Bnes."

Leonard let out an exaggerated sigh of relief as his whole body curled in caringly around his friend. _He's back._

"I know kid, I know. I'm here though, I won't leave you alone, you'll be alright." The young captain squeezed his eyes and mouth shut in anguish as he slowly regained his muscle control. Kirk let his chin fall down to his chest and turned his face ever so slightly towards his best friend's neck, yearning for protection and privacy.

"It's okay Jim, it's okay, just let it out, we'll figure this out…" The doctor comforted, holding his captain together.

Jim shook in McCoy's arms as the floodgates began to break. "Th'r s'loud… they won't–stop, I cn't… mak't stopp…"

Bones choked on his next words and inhaled unevenly before continuing. _Nooo don't you even think about it doctor, you keep it together._

"I know Jim, it's gonna take some time but the memories will get buried away again, it's gonna be okay–"

"No, I needhlp, I nee-eed help Bnes…" Jim pleaded through sobs now.

Bones shuttered as his chest swelled up uncontrollably and a stray tear slipped down his face without authorization. He couldn't fix this. Jim had never directly asked him for his help before and this was the one time he didn't know what to do to fix him. The only thing he could do as a doctor was sedate him, but that was like putting a band aid on an arterial bleed, it would never hold nor would it correct the root of the problem. And even as Jim's closest friend, he had no idea what this felt like for him and he didn't know what the right words were to make the pain go away. He pulled Jim even tighter to him before an idea came to his head.

"Okay, I'm gonna fix it Jim, just hang on." The doctor sniffled and reluctantly loosened his hold around Jim's chest to reach out of the shower's stall and retrieve his discarded communicator. He had absently tossed it to the floor when he had first entered the steamy bathroom. He swiped at his face to remove the tear streaks and then swat his finger down on the button.

"McCoy to bridge."

Jim's head lolled to the side and landed hidden between McCoy's shoulder and neck. The captain had his eyes squeezed shut and was desperately trying to calm his hysterics enough to gain his control back. Leonard shut his eyes tightly and willed his own emotions to settle as he rested his chin on top of Kirk's sopping wet hair.

"Uhura here, go ahead Doctor."

McCoy sniffled and then spoke through the sound of the rushing water. "I need Spock here now, I'm in Jim's room." His voice came out unsteadily.

"Uh of course, okay, I'll tell him." Only a moment past and then, "Is everything alright Leonard? Is it Kirk?" She responded instinctually, her worry regarding McCoy's shaky voice trumping her usual procedural response.

"Don't call Medical…" He interrupted before she could even offer it. He didn't need the medical team to see their captain fall apart for the second time in one day. Jim didn't need that either, not unless it was a last resort. "Just tell Spock to hurry." Leonard dropped the communicator without another word and drummed his flat palm against Jim's chest twice as he felt the captain fade in his grip suddenly.

"No, hey! Jim, you stay awake. Sit up, c'mon…"

Kirk let out a broken sob before McCoy continued. "…Help is on the way now, just hang on."

 **TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hello all! We've made it to the end! Here's a very loong update for your very loong wait (two chapters, woo!). Thanks so much for your patience and your kind, kind comments and follows. You guys are truly great. And a special thanks to my pushy angel for encouraging me to pick this story up again. I hope you enjoy the ending!**

 **\- M Rae**

* * *

" _No hey! Jim, you stay awake. Sit up, c'mon…"_

 _Kirk let out a broken sob before McCoy continued. "…Help is on the way now, just hang on."_

* * *

"Leonard?" Uhura looked down at her panel to see what had happened to the connection. When she determined it had been manually disconnected, she quickly spun to address her commanding officer.

"Spock."

He turned to face her.

"That was Doctor McCoy. He needs you in the captain's quarters." She called across the bridge, shaking her head uncertainly. "But something seems wrong." She couldn't help but add.

"Gahh 'm'head…" Jim gasped and scrunched his face up in pain.

Kirk squirmed in the doctor's hold as he dropped his hand down in search for his liquid relief. When his fingers loosely gripped the neck of the bottle, McCoy intercepted his hand easily with his own.

The Vulcan glared daggers back at the comms officer, sensing her unease. His brain reeled through the various scenarios that could warrant the CMO to request his presence in Jim's private quarters. But none of the scenarios bode well for their chief in command.

"No, no more, you're done." Bones peeled the dripping bottle from his hand and thrust it out onto the floor, effectively removing the temptation. The bottle clanged across the ground before it came to a stop against the paneled corner of the vanity.

"No sstop… I need't!" He reached his hand over lethargically, pushing off of McCoy's arm and leg as he leaned out of the shower stall. But luckily, Bones was there to keep him upright and pull him back in. "Jim…"

"Did the doctor discuss what the matter was?" Spock inquired as he shot to a stand at his station.

"All he said was he needed you in Jim's room and to hurry." She supplied wearily.

"No kid, I'm sorry." He pulled the captain in close to his chest as Kirk blindly fought against him.

"Bones no… giv't back…y'don't get it!" He struggled against the doctor's hold but McCoy held him strong. "Ths hast' stop." Jim whispered desperately.

The doctor exhaled helplessly. "Just hang on, okay? It's alright, I'm gonna stay right here with you, it's gonna get better…"

"Perhaps medical personnel should be-" But Nyota was already shaking her head no. "McCoy specifically told me not to call medical."

Spock considered her words as he felt a shiver run through his body.

Kirk began to settle over the doctor's comforting mantra. He was shaking when he finally let his fight fade, melting back into McCoy's hold from both physical and mental exhaustion. Jim's body wasn't responding kindly to the temperature flip it was undergoing though and his fingertips were beginning to turn an ashen white.

"Lieutenant Sulu, you have the con." The first officer turned swiftly and exited the bridge without another word. The command crew watched his departure in concern but no one spoke up.

Spock was on his way.

Bones caught and supported his friend as he went flaccid, but he did not like the intensity that Jim was shaking at. He tipped Kirk's head back onto his shoulder to glance at his face and saw his lips quivering, turning a shade of pale grey. He needed to get him out of this shower and dried off, _now._

Panic ignited through Leonard's psyche as he quickly switched his voice to a commanding tone. He knew Kirk responded best to an authoritative dialect when disoriented. But his voice was also spiked with panic as he gripped under Jim's arms and began pulling him to a stand. "Alright, **up.** Up right now, Jim. Stand up, let's go."

Kirk tried but was simply in no condition to assist the good doctor. All he managed to do was slide his feet forward and slip back down to the wet floor with a thud and a groan.

"C'mon you heavy jerk, help me lift you." McCoy switched tactics. He stood and moved to Jim's front, crouching in front of his body and catching Jim against his chest as he pitched forward. Using the wall as leverage, he hoisted them both up with a series of grunts. Once they were both somewhat standing, the doctor reached back and clipped the nozzle off to stop the cold stream of water.

Kirk sluggishly reached out and dragged a hand down the side of the doctor's face in his blind search for something to hold and support himself with. He eventually found McCoy's collar and gripped the material there as his head lolled then dropped forward. "Bones, pt me'dwn." He huffed with scrunched, shut eyes as a wave of nausea and vertigo overwhelmed him.

Leonard gripped Kirk's arm tightly and tossed it over his own shoulder, sliding his way in towards Jim's side and taking up most of his weight. "No, you can't sit in here soaking anymore, let's go."

* * *

Spock wasn't panicking because Vulcans didn't panic. They used logic to guide their every move because there was no room, nor place, for emotion during a crisis. Yet he still ran the last hundred feet and slammed the door to Jim's quarters open as he soared into the half lit up room.

"Doctor!" Spock shouted but his ears caught the muffled voices off to his right instantly.

"Jim – it's okay, listen… Christ, Jim please–"

He jogged over to the open doorway of the bathroom and froze in his tracks. He looked straight at Jim and read the look of anguish across his face which was hanging limply down towards his chest. The man was barely standing as he watched McCoy fumble with the young captain, completely unaware Spock was even in the room.

The first officer wasted no more time as he hastily moved in towards Jim and Bones to help the doctor with a collapsing Kirk. "Doctor?" He questioned sharply as he gripped one of Jim's underarms and helped pull him upwards.

Before McCoy could answer him, Kirk cried out after a loud scream thundered through his head, startling his crewmates. He tipped forward and covered his ears with his hands in an attempt to block out the voices. His forehead dropped forward onto McCoy's shoulder. "Why wn't thy st-stop… cn't see this an'more." The screams and visions were overwhelming him.

"Shh Jim, we're gonna fix it now, hang on." Leonard glanced up and made eye contact with the Vulcan, his eyes were rimmed red and his expression screamed out in desperation. It was a look Spock had never seen the CMO exhibit before. "You gotta help him." McCoy pleaded.

Spock didn't hesitate; he knew what the doctor was asking. He readjusted his hands to better support Jim as Bones slid over to give him better access to the crumbling captain. The three large men in the cramped space of the shower would have been comical if not so heartbreaking the circumstances.

"Can he be moved to a location that is less damp?" Spock asked seriously and McCoy nodded once. "Ya, help me with him."

Bones took a heavy wet step out of the stall and dragged a soaking Kirk with him while Spock moved in and helped support Jim from his other side. Together they dragged him out of the room and into the open area of his quarters.

"Is the captain medically stable?" The Vulcan pulled Jim along with him as they moved away from the open bathroom door.

McCoy shook his head in frustration. "He's stable enough."

Spock glared at him, wanting more information, but Bones simply shook his head again.

"I can't give him any medications without risking organ failure from the earlier overdose." His heart clenched in guilt but he said nothing else.

Jim squeezed his eyes shut and groaned from the jostling and the new lighting. "Gah turn t'off…"

Both men snapped their gaze back onto Jim in concern. "Lights ten percent." McCoy instructed.

Spock wasted no more time as he turned and expertly placed his fingers on the side of Jim's face while Kirk continued to pant desperately.

After several moments, Jim stilled and his eyes shut in unison with Spock's, a sign of the connection they had apparently just established. McCoy had to continue holding a drunk Captain Kirk in his arms, trying to keep him from collapsing to the floor. _We could've at least sat him down, hobgoblin…_

White silence creeped into the space now and to the doctor's relief, Jim's breaths were finally evening out as his face began to relax. He turned his attention to Spock for a moment and studied the Vulcan's pale skin and black hair. He realized he had never been this close to Spock before and considered the humanoid's facial expression. He was focused and serious, but his jaw was twitching every second or two and his brow was tightly creased in concentration. _I wonder if it's working…_

Both Spock and Jim simultaneously let out a noise of anguish as they folded forward and both collapsed down onto one knee. McCoy grunted as he was thrown off balance with them. Alarm shot through Leonard's chest. "Spock, what's going on?"

There was no answer though.

Both men's faces were crinkled in discomfort now, but neither faltered. When Jim groaned, Spock groaned. This wasn't going as he had pictured, not one bit. _Shit what do I do._

He should call M'Benga, he knew more about Vulcan anatomy and mindmelds than McCoy did. _No, just give him a chance, let him work._

"Spock?" He tried again but the Vulcan did not stir.

Bones readjusted his grip on Jim and exhaled. It looked like he was just going to have to wait.

* * *

The trio remained half kneeling near the bathroom door for several minutes. McCoy grew more and more frantic as Jim's body temperature fluctuated from cold to warm again and his shivering intensified. But he couldn't stop the mindmeld half way through, _that_ much he knew. Kirk was all but dead weight, collapsed forward against one of Bones' arms encircling his chest.

Every minute or so, McCoy glanced from Jim's face to look at Spock's. But every time he looked at the Vulcan, he saw the same, creased brow and twitching jaw positioned inches away from Jim's dropped head. He studied the Vulcan's pale fingers placed skillfully against Jim's face and couldn't help but awe at the power behind such an intricate touch.

Another few minutes passed by in silence when suddenly Jim and Spock let out a sharp inhale as their faces scrunched up in distress. "Spock?" McCoy startled and snapped his gaze to the Vulcan.

Several more seconds passed by without change until both Kirk and his first officer let out a building shout of rage. McCoy was about to run for the comm unit on the wall when both parties abruptly silenced and fell lifelessly in opposite directions onto their sides.

Bones was pulled down with Jim to the floor and collapsed half on top of him. "Spock! What happened?" He questioned anxiously, working to rearrange Jim to lie on his back, but the Vulcan didn't respond.

"Shit." McCoy pulled his arm out from under his friend's body and reached for his face. "Jim, can you hear me?" The young captain did not stir as McCoy lifted each of his eyelids to check his pupillary responses.

"Spock!" McCoy looked back towards the first officer while placing two fingers on Jim's carotid. His pulse was fast but steady. Jim was still soaking wet and was breathing shallowly. _Depressed respirations, first stages of hypothermia._ The doctor thought quickly, torn between treating his intoxicated, freezing friend or the seemingly unconscious Vulcan by his feet. He quickly decided an unmoving Spock without visible cause was more concerning at the moment.

He gently stretched Jim's bottom arm out towards his ear and then rolled him onto his side into the recovery position as a precaution. Bones made sure he was balanced before climbing to his feet and rounding in front of the downed first officer. He reached a hand to Spock's throat when it was heavily intercepted by a pale, strong hand.

"Christ almighty!" The Southern startled backwards but recovered his bearings a moment later. "Spock are you alright? Did it work?" McCoy shook his hand out of Spock's hold and helped the Vulcan roll flat onto his back, as he did Jim.

"What happened? Did the meld work?" Bones pressed again nervously as Spock let out a series of long exhalations before finally answering.

"The Captain's mental shields have been repaired, he has the capabilities to recover now." He said with exhaustion in his words.

Bones let out a shaky breath of relief. "Oh thank God." He brushed a hand across his face and through his wet hair.

"Doctor, a celestial belief had nothing to…"

"Oh shut it Spock." _Like really?_ McCoy waved him off and then locked his gaze to the Vulcan's face again. "Thank you." He stated genuinely.

Spock only nodded in response before letting his eyes drift closed again.

"So, is this normally how these things end? You, out cold on the floor?" The CMO questioned uncertainly.

But Spock did not answer, which worried him. "Spock, you with me?" He questioned more seriously, moving closer to the Vulcan sprawled out across the floor.

"I must rest now, my energy stores have been depleted." He supplied.

McCoy was taken aback. "Oh, okay." He considered the Vulcan's position on the floor and looked around the room quickly. "Are you good lying right here or what?" The doctor drawled uncertainly.

"I would prefer to sit up." The first officer answered quietly. "I will require six to seven hours of sustained meditation to fully recuperate." He added as his legs relaxed out across the floor.

"Alright, I'll tell the bridge you're sleepin over then. Come on, let's get you moved." He outstretched a helping hand to the Vulcan but Spock didn't reach back. Bones quickly realized that he had already drifted off into a deep meditative state.

"Good God, you people are useless!" McCoy sneered and then looked back at Jim. He slid across the floor on his knees and placed his fingers on Jim's neck again, just to be sure. The captain was merely sleeping now but his shivering had bumped up yet another notch.

"Alright kid, let's get you changed and tucked away for a while." And the doctor did just that. He knew where Jim's spare clothes were and fished out a pair of clean boxers and sweat pants. He also snagged a towel on his way back as he worked to dry Jim off and switch out his wet pants for dry ones.

Once the task was done and his wet clothes were slopped in a pile beside them, Bones towel dried Jim's face, blonde hair, back, and chest before he was satisfied. He knew he'd have to change too but he wanted to get both Spock and Jim settled before tending to himself.

He slipped his hands behind Jim's shoulders under each of his armpits and dragged him across his quarters to his bed.

Bones managed to lift Jim the three feet from the floor to the bed, albeit blowing a disc or two in the process, and finally settled him under the covers.

The CMO then retreated back to Spock. He cautiously slipped his arms under the Vulcan's armpits, trying not to interrupt his meditative state. He dragged him over and situated Spock so he was propped up against the side of Jim's bed in a seated position. He allowed his head to tilt back slightly onto the covers next to Kirk. Neither officer woke during the entire rearrangement.

Satisfied when everyone was settled, Bones quickly dried off, changed into his spare set of clothes, and circled back to his crewmates surrounding the bed. Swiping his PADD from his bag, he climbed over Kirk's legs and positioned himself against the headboard next to his best friend. Before he forgot, he wrote a message to Uhura, informing her of the temporary shift in command for the next few hours while assuring her everyone was okay and resting.

He glanced down at Jim. The captain's body was still shivering, despite the new, dry clothes and heavy blankets a top him. Bones shifted closer and pulled Jim's top arm across his outstretched legs. The captain flopped forward half on his side and half face down on McCoy's lap. The doctor felt better with him like this because he would be able to detect quickly if his temperature flipped, if he was about to vomit, or if his respirations changed.

Bones looked down at his PADD and opened up his medical files to get some work done, but his mind was still wondering. After several minutes, he glanced down at his friend again. He looked so young… he was so young. How did he cope with everything that had happened to him in such a short span of time?

McCoy lowered the screen and brushed a hand across Jim's forehead to move his bangs out of the way so he could see his face. He saw Jim breathing softly, lips parted slightly, eyes gently closed.

He watched him for a while before jostling Kirk's hair and removing his hand from him. Jim grimaced and let out a gagging cough before silencing once again. McCoy's brow creased in unease, waiting to see if Jim was going to rouse, but the captain didn't move again.

"You better not throw up on me." He grumbled, switching his attention back to his medical notes while keeping a hand on the back of his friend's neck.

* * *

The first nightmare had been the worst of them. After that, Spock and McCoy had gotten the hang of what to do when Jim woke up screaming and disoriented.

It started out as quiet mumbling and then quickly escalated into desperate shouting. "No, noo, no, gt back, stp, nooo!"

McCoy startled awake first, flipping over and reaching out to grasp Jim's side lying and struggling form. "Jim! Hey, calm down, it's just a dream, wake up!" The doctor blinked rapidly through the cobwebs and sleep still clouding his mind.

"Nooo!" Jim kicked out and curled in on himself, reaching out blindly.

Spock became aware at that moment, albeit drowsily and disoriented himself. He reached a hand across his body to grip one of Kirk's forearms in order to ground them both. "Captain, you must calm yourself."

"Jim, you're okay! It's not real, wake up, open your eyes." He tapped at Jim's cheek and struggled to pin the captain from squirming away from them both.

Kirk groaned again and then screamed in anguish.

"JIM!" Both voices shouted together and Kirk's eyes shot open as he bolted upright. He let out a whimper before he could stifle it and gulped down heavy breaths.

"Who's th're?" Jim questioned through the dark and Bones spoke up immediately. "Just me and Spock, we're in your quarters on the Enterprise."

Kirk worked to catch his breath and was suddenly overcome by a wave of vertigo as he listed and collapsed down onto his side.

"Jim…" Bones grumbled worriedly as he gathered Kirk up and heaved him into a semi seated position against the head board.

"Just breathe for a second, you're okay." The CMO coached, resting a hand on Jim's chest while Spock grasped the back of one of Kirk's trembling hands.

After a minute or so, Jim exhaled in exhaustion. "M srry." He whispered in shame.

"It's no problem Jim. Just go back to sleep, okay?" Bones responded in as casual a voice as he could muster. The doctor's heart was slamming against his chest with adrenaline however.

"Wait, Spock? Bnes?" Jim slurred as sleep and alcohol began to claim him. "M I okay?"

"We'll brief you later after you get some sleep, just shut your eyes, everything's fine." Kirk tried to remember what the hell had happened, but for the life of him, he couldn't come up with a thing. He could definitely taste the booze on his breath though. Maybe he had a little too much to drink, wouldn't be the first time, wouldn't be the last. But something within him was telling him not to fall back asleep, and the presence of his crewmates meant something pretty bad must have happened.

"We are right here, Jim." Spock tightened his grip on Jim's hand, as did Bones on his shoulder.

Oh well. For now, Jim felt safe. He would get answers in the morning, he was too tired to protest anyway and he drifted out of consciousness once again.

* * *

The second time wasn't much better. He awoke in a similar violent way, scaring his crewmates back to awareness.

"Get a'wy from me!" Jim fought against the sheets in distress.

"Captain, you are aboard the Enterprise, you must awaken yourself." Spock blinked through cobwebs as he reconnected his hand with Kirk's forearm.

"Jim, it's okay, calm down, it's just a dream." McCoy fumbled with his reckless friend trying to rouse him.

After several attempts made by his crewmates, he finally bolted awake and gulped in several frantic breaths, looking around the darkness in confusion.

"You with us, kid? We're in your quarters."

"Bones?"

McCoy tapped Jim's chest twice. "Right here."

"As am I, captain." Spock relinquished his hold on Jim's arm.

"You had a nightmare." The doctor supplied, keeping a hand on Jim for comfort.

"I-I don't remember..." The captain's mind was being flooded with flashes of memories. Some he recognized, knew FAR too well in fact, and others, he didn't recall experiencing. His face scrunched in concentration and discomfort.

Bones hesitated, he'd have to fill his friend in eventually, but it still felt too soon. He decided to be vague, but to give him something.

"You were attacked by a Betazoid."

Jim worked to catch his breath as he considered those words. McCoy watched him think and couldn't tell if he was recalling anything or not.

"Did I kill her?" Jim finally questioned in a voice that nearly broke the CMO's heart. Bones froze.

"Yes, Jim. Aurora Trex is dead." Spock answered in his place.

Kirk nodded slowly and settled himself on his side against the covers. He didn't say anything after that. His silence was causing Bones more distress now than when the kid was crying his eyes out and clinging to him for his life. He couldn't help Jim if he didn't know what he was thinking. Eventually though, he felt Jim's breaths even out as he drifted to sleep again from pure exhaustion, and the doctor quickly followed suit.

 **TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

_Kirk nodded slowly and settled himself on his side against the covers. He didn't say anything after that. His silence was causing Bones more distress now than when the kid was crying his eyes out and clinging to him for his life. He couldn't help Jim if he didn't know what he was thinking. Eventually though, he felt Jim's breaths even out as he drifted to sleep again from pure exhaustion, and the doctor quickly followed suit._

* * *

Three more nightmares claimed Jim before morning. Each time, McCoy and Spock would startle awake, place a calming hand on Kirk's arm and chest, and urge him back to consciousness. They oriented him and filled him in with vague explanations and details about the events that had occurred, and then Kirk would drift back into a depleted sleep.

At around 0800, Jim gasped as he was yanked awake from another distant nightmare, but he was able to calm himself without his friends' aid this time. _Progress._

Bones was sitting up against the headboard with his PADD in one hand and turned towards Jim as soon as he saw him wake up. "Jim?" He placed a hand on Kirk's shoulder as the captain rolled onto his back and slid himself into a semi seated position against the head board.

Jim smirked when he felt his friend's comforting hand. _Good 'ol Bones._

"Stand down Bones, I'm okay." He said in a dry voice while rubbing his hands up his face and through his hair.

McCoy exhaled in relief and moved his hand back to his PADD. Seeing Jim Kirk crack a smile was short of the best thing he'd ever witnessed after everything that had happened in the last 12 hours.

"How do you feel?" McCoy asked.

Jim laughed. "Tired and hungover." He supplied.

The captain exhaled and took some time to gather his thoughts. There was nothing Jim Kirk hated more than losing control of himself or of his crew's outcomes on missions, and that's exactly what had been taken away from him last night, control. He was also mad at himself for letting his guard down and allowing a member of his crew to attack someone on his ship. Naturally, he was relieved it had been him though, because Jim didn't do well with guilt. But still, upon reflection, the night had been utter hell for him.

He chuckled lightly. "That sucked." Kirk stated still rubbing his face and shaking his head in disbelief.

McCoy gaped at him. "You're unbelievable." _That's what the idiot says about his newest near death experience? 'That sucked'?_

"Sorry about the drama and tears though." He slapped a hand onto the Doctor's shoulder and shook his head in convincing disappointment. "You must be rubbing off on me."

Bones scoffed and rolled his eyes, trying to act casual and not show how absolutely relieved he was to see Jim acting like his annoying self again. He so badly wanted to wrap him up in a hug and thank him for making it through the night alive.

"Ugh I feel like I'm your age." Jim groaned in soreness before slipping his legs off the bed and sitting upright on the edge.

 _Bad idea._

An instant wave of lightheadedness overtook him as the room blurred and tilted. "Oh shit." He mumbled as he began falling face first to the floor.

"Damn it, Jim!" Bones lunged at him and tried to grab onto his shoulder but he couldn't grip him in time. Kirk continued his downward descent when his momentum was abruptly stopped by an unforgiving, steel pole.

"Oof, Jesus." Jim blinked his eyes rapidly before they focused enough to make out his first officer glaring back at him.

 _Not a pole then._

"Captain? Are you experiencing dizziness?" The Vulcan inquired with narrowed eyes from the floor.

"Jim." McCoy had made it across the bed and was pulling him back towards him. "You need to lie back down. You're extremely dehydrated and in no shape to be moving around just yet."

"Bones, I'm good." The captain tried to shake his protective friends off him, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. He was him again, the normal Jim Kirk who didn't like being fussed over, didn't like to be coddled, and didn't like to feel vulnerable.

McCoy sensed Jim's distress and gave him some space leaving a single hand on his bicep while he reached back towards his PADD.

Kirk exhaled as the room righted itself and came more into focus. _See, I'm fine._

He felt a jab at his neck causing him to clap his hand over the area as Bones pulled the empty hypo away. "Hey!"

"Don't be an infant."

"What the hell was that for?" He turned and gave Bones a death stare, but the doctor was neatly putting his torture device away, unphased by Jim's anger.

"Fluids and nutrients."

Jim huffed impatiently, frustrated at his friend. "I know how to eat."

McCoy snapped the hypo into the med pack and began closing up the edges. "You also know how to throw up."

"Indeed." Spock added.

 _Oh._ Jim didn't remember getting sick at all. He must have blacked that part out. He looked behind him at Bones and then looked down towards Spock, considering his close quarters to both of them. He couldn't see any traces of vomit on the blankets or the floor which prompted a thought in his head. Jim grinned.

"So who'd I throw up on?"

* * *

Jim returned to the bridge after 48 hours medical leave and the crew was more than thrilled to have him back. He acted like his cocky, lively, self, however, his closest friends could tell the man wasn't quite right. It was subtle differences, but they were there if you knew what to look for. His reaction times were great. Jim would wink and grin at his crewmates in the halls and on the bridge like usual, would respond with clear answers, and provided clear orders. But his grins would fade too fast, his face masked with a distracted, blank canvas too often, and his gaze distant.

It was also known by Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty that Jim hadn't been sleeping in his quarters the past few nights either.

Bones had stayed with him the first two nights before having to go back to his normal shifts, which happen to be opposite Jim's bridge hours.

On his first day back, Kirk stayed on the bridge as long as he could past his scheduled hours. But due to his caring and loyal crew, and their fear of their CMO's wrath, he was forced to leave so he could rest. He walked into Sickbay about twenty minutes later.

Nurse Chapel was standing next to a turned McCoy when she spotted him first.

"Doctor McCoy." She stated with unease, switching her gaze towards Kirk and nodding once.

Bones looked at her in confusion but followed her eyes until they landed on his friend's form slowly walking towards his office.

"Shit." The CMO handed off his digital chart and hastily walked towards him while Chapel stayed with their patient. Kirk looked exhausted, but there was something else haunting his friend's eyes that he couldn't pinpoint.

Jim exhaled when he saw McCoy approaching him. "Hey Bones."

"Hey, you okay?" The doctor's eyebrows were furrowed in concern, looking him over.

"I'm fine. Was just gonna crash in your office for a few hours." He stated rubbing one of his eyes tiredly.

Bones wanted to press into his friend and ask him why, but knew this wasn't the right time. The fact that Jim had sought him out instead of toughing this out alone, whatever _this_ was, was a miracle in itself. And at the end of the day, he'd always help the kid in any way he could. He felt a little swell of pride ignite in his chest realizing how much Kirk actually trusted him too. "Yeah, come on."

The two walked into the lit up office and Jim went straight for the couch across from McCoy's desk. He flopped down on his back and kicked his boots off before settling down on his side. Bones tossed him a pillow from his chair that Jim plucked out of the air, mumbling a quiet thanks back.

"I'll be in and out all shift." Bones pulled out a spare blanket from his closet and circled around towards Jim, dropping the material on his lap. "If you need me just come out and grab me, got it?"

Kirk motioned a half ass salute to his protective friend. "Got it, thanks Bones-ey."

McCoy shook his head and clipped his desk light on before shutting off the main lights to 0%. Kirk settled himself under the blanket, turning his back to the room. Bones sighed and lingered a few moments at the door before letting it close behind him and returning to work. _He just needs a little more time._

* * *

The faint shouts were heard only by those that were close by. But when McCoy barreled into his office, most of Sickbay could hear the depths of Jim's latest nightmare, and their hearts broke for him.

"Noo! Bones, get up! Bones!" Jim screamed while wrestling with his blanket.

"I'm here, I'm right here Jim! Open your eyes!" McCoy collapsed onto a knee in front of him and gripped Jim's neck and shoulder.

"Get up! Pleease, get up!" He pleaded on.

"Jim, wake up! Hey, it's okay, it's not real!" McCoy fumbled with his friend trying to rouse him in as gentle a way as possible.

"Bones!"

McCoy cupped his face and finally shouted back. "Jim, I'm RIGHT HERE!"

Kirk's eyes shot open and he gasped for air. "Bones?" He squinted and reached up at him, but when he felt McCoy pat his cheek, Jim exhaled in relief. "Oh thank God." He collapsed back down onto the couch.

Leonard backed away slightly while looking Jim over cautiously. "You okay now?"

Kirk brushed his hair out of his face and shook his head in disbelief. "I thought she killed you."

That got Leonard's attention. "You thought someone killed me? When?"

Kirk exhaled forcefully again as he tried to gain his bearings. "In Sickbay when you were attacked, I saw you fall." He pushed himself onto his elbows. "You wouldn't answer me."

McCoy had completely forgotten about that. He vaguely remembered the image of Jim shouting at him, but he was unable to answer his distressed friend due to the psychic attack. Damn did that hurt. He did feel for the kid though. He knew all too well what that helpless feeling felt like and that real fear of losing someone that important to you.

Bones picked Jim's outstretched legs up and lopped them out of the way. He took a seat on the couch next to him, taking advantage of this teaching moment. "Sucks doesn't it?"

Jim turned his head to him as he slowly made his way to sitting. "What does?"

"Watching something horrible happen to someone you care about and then thinking you may never see them again."

Jim shook his head, lost thinking about losing Bones and actually having to go on living. "I can't imagine."

McCoy turned to look at Jim in slight frustration. "Do you know how many times you've made me feel like that?"

Jim's blues locked with Leonard's hazel eyes as he paled. He hadn't thought about what the consequences of his choices and sacrifices could mean for his friend. Every time he'd gotten hurt, he had forced McCoy through that feeling of helplessness and loss and never thought once about what it may be doing to Bones. God, how could he have done that to his sole confidant without realizing?

"I-I didn't mean to. She caught me off guard, Bones. There was nothing I could do–"

McCoy wrapped his hand around the side of Jim's head and pulled it to his chest, instantly regretting his words. "I know, I know. It's okay, Jim."

"I'm sorry." He whispered out genuinely.

Leonard sighed. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad kid, I just want you to understand."

Jim knew and nodded, his head still wrapped tightly by Leonard's hands.

"Just realize treating you when you're down is not easy. So be smart and don't make me do it unless it's a last resort, you're like a brother to me." He peered down at Jim's face and saw a smirk growing across his cheeks. He rolled his eyes. "You're such a pain in the ass."

"You're such a girl." Jim mocked.

Leonard scoffed and roughly tousled Jim's hair before pushing him away.

"Hey!" The captain protested.

Leonard grumbled to himself as he stood up from the couch. "You never even thanked me for saving your life, you ungrateful child…"

Jim could play this game too. "You never thanked me either, I saved your ass with that shot." Leonard glared back at him. This kid had some nerves of steel. Jim smirked back but chose wisely to say no more.

"Alright, you should get some more rest, you need more than two hours of sleep to run a ship, doctor's orders."

Kirk quieted instantly as he sat thinking. "Can you give me a sedative?"

McCoy gave him a hesitant look. "Jim, you hate sedatives."

He nodded. "I know but you've got a medbay to run and I'm not gonna get in the way of you doing your job. I'd leave but I just can't sleep in my room right now, I-I can't go in there…" Jim broke off and looked away.

Leonard gripped his shoulder and forced him to look at him. "Listen, nobody cares where you sleep Jim, it's your ship."

"I know, but…"

"And don't worry about us. You're not the only one who has nightmares here. Just worry about you and getting your head straight, we all need you, okay?"

Kirk sighed and warily responded. "So is that a no?"

McCoy stood and ruffled Jim's hair again causing Kirk to swat his hand away in annoyance. He stopped at the door and crossed his arms over his chest before exiting. "You don't need a sedative, you just need time."

* * *

The medical team was becoming accustomed to Kirk's presence in Sickbay, and his nightmares. After every bridge shift, he'd come through the doors and head straight into McCoy's office. Sometimes he'd wave, sometimes he wouldn't. When the shifts changed though, they knew when to look for him, but tried not to show it.

Every chance he got, Bones tried to work in his office and get caught up on paperwork, just so he could keep a closer eye on their captain. The Enterprise needed Kirk, and as CMO, and as the kid's best friend, he'd be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to mend the broken man.

As for his nightmares, he had about two bad ones a shift that required McCoy, or one time Chapel when Bones was in surgery, to wake him from his horrors.

But on the seventh day after his bridge shift ended, Jim didn't show up to Medical. Bones checked his office and asked the triage nurses if anyone had seen him, but no one had. _This could be really good or really bad…_

"Computer, locate Captain James T. Kirk." Being as paranoid a doctor, and friend, as McCoy was, he pulled up Jim's biostats only to find his vitals were normal and that he was located in his quarters.

After triple checking Jim's location and normal vital signs, Bones grinned. "Proud of you, kid." He spoke to himself as he stood from his chair. He walked over and retrieved the pillow from the couch laying it back behind his desk chair before clipping off his desk light. He then folded the blanket up and placed it in the cabinet he'd removed it from a week ago.

Bones walked to his office door and turned to the empty room. He waited several moments before dropping his head, clipping the lights off, and shutting the door behind him.

The next alpha shift, Jim walked onto the bridge chomping on a bright red apple.

"Keptin on ze bridge."

Jim tossed a salute back towards his crew with his mouth full of juice. "At ease."

Sulu's eyebrows rose seeing the familiar gesture and habit. _Maybe Jim was finally back._

The captain approached his chair and plopped down into the seat, getting straight to his reports.

 _Or maybe he was still distracted._

About an hour went by without much conversation. But when Jim read through and signed off on his last report, he tapped his PADD in triumph and looked up at his crew, standing and clapping his hands together in excitement.

"I think it's time for a challenge." He announced and the crew's eyes lit up with anticipation and hope.

Witnessing and participating in Kirk's challenges were some of the best memories these Starfleet officers had created on their missions away from home. They were grateful to have a captain so laid back, comical, and understanding as Jim was.

The latest challenge had been the day before the Betazoid attack and Jim had ordered half the command crew to wear ear plugs for an hour, forcing them to lip read and communicate in gestures. Uhura had obviously blown the challenge out of the water and won by a large margin, but Jim had enjoyed the show thoroughly nonetheless.

"Mr. Sulu."

Hikaru tipped his chin up in attention. "Yes captain."

"Do you know where Mr. Scott stores his most prized bottles of Scotch in Engineering?"

The navigator grinned before answering. "I believe so, sir."

Jim nodded once and turned to face Chekov.

"Mr. Chekov."

"Aye Keptin."

"Do you know where Keenser hides his snack collection in one of the bulkheads in Engineering?"

Pavel nodded as a smile tugged at his face. "Aye sir, I know."

Jim clapped his hands together again. "Alright then, here it is. The first to retrieve their intended object _without_ detection wins."

Both Sulu and Chekov eyed each other and then shot to standing. "On your mark, get set, go!" The two sprinted for the turbolift and entered at the same time.

As soon as the doors closed, the bridge erupted with energy and noise with bets being placed and gossip being shared. Jim smiled and turned to face Spock who was sitting quietly watching the events play out. He pointed a finger at the innocent looking Vulcan in warning.

"Don't you ruin my fun Commander."

Spock's eyebrow quirked up and then leveled out. "I will not, Captain, so long as Mr. Sulu and Mr. Chekov return within the hour in time for our command meeting."

 _Oops._ Jim had forgotten about their weekly scheduled meeting with the Command crew and Chief officers. He smiled knowing his first officer had let him go on with the challenge anyway without interfering.

"They will be back in time, thanks for the reminder."

Spock nodded before standing. He approached Jim from behind and stood off his right shoulder with his hands clasped behind his back. He spoke softly so only Jim could hear him. "Captain, it is satisfactory to see you acting like 'you' again."

Jim nodded without turning to address his first officer. "Thank you Mr. Spock, it is good to be back."

"I was beginning to have my doubts that the mindmeld had not been successful." The Vulcan continued, glancing down at Jim now.

Kirk peered up at him with bright blue eyes and shrugged, smiling back at the man that had saved his life now more than once. "I just needed a little time."

 **END**


End file.
